Lost and Found
by BelieveInYou
Summary: What if Brooke was the one who was pregnant in season 4? Brooke centric. Brucas, Leyton, Baley, Breyton, Brachel and others.
1. Pain

**Pain**

Brooke opened her eyes; she lied on a big bed on Rachel's house. It wasn't morning, she just came back from the hospital and she was too shocked to stay up. She was alone, Rachel was in the hospital. She never thought that she could miss Rachel so much and feel so lonely without her. She would know what to say to make her feel better and she needed it so badly. After that weekend, after yesterday. Yesterday changed everything. It was meant to be the happiest day for Nathan and Haley. And it almost was. She wanted it to be a good day for everyone, for herself. She could never provide something like that happening to her. Last few days had made her life a total mess.

_They stood together at the backstage__ in TRIC. Peyton said she wanted to talk with Brooke about something. Seemed like something important._

"_Brooke, I think I still have feelings for Lucas." Peyton spilled the words and Brooke's mouth lapsed open.  
"You mean you care for him as a friend?" She tried to understand what Peyton said and make sure that she got it wrong.  
"No, I mean more than that."_

She slowly closed her eyes again with tears falling down. With everything else going on, how was she supposed to take it easily? She had flashbacks running in front of her eyes once again.

_  
__"__Is it impossible, for you to forgive me? I forgave you."  
__"__For what?"_

"_For sleeping with Chris Keller."  
__"__And you know what Lucas, I loved you for that. You had such grace in that moment that I fell in love with you all over again. I can't believe that you would use it now as a bargaining chip."  
__"__No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I just, I need you to trust me, and believe me when I tell you that my heart is with you. A part of me feels like ever since we got back together, you've just been waiting, waiting to push me away."  
__"__Oh great, you kiss Peyton, again, and I'm pushing you away! God! Why did I make everybody identical purses as wedding gifts?" Brooke hysterically tried to find her purse to show Lucas her pregnancy test but she couldn't find it.  
__"__I love you Brooke, I don't know how else to say it." Lucas had tears in his eyes.  
__"__How about how you show it? I am not pushing you away Lucas, I am holding on for dear life! But I need you to need me back! Why wouldn't you tell me about the kiss and why wouldn't you call me while you were away and why won't you ever just let me all the way in?" She yelled at Lucas with her raspy voice that was raspier than ever before. She was so hurt that she was ready to hit him._

She knew she loves Lucas more than anything and that she's ready to give away everything for him. She didn't know if Lucas feels the same. She wasn't sure about anything anymore.

"Now it's just you and I. We'll make it through." She said and put her hand to her stomach. She was happy and sad at the same time. She finally came out of the bed and walked towards the mirror. She stopped there and looked at herself. Only thing she could see was a sad, lonely girl crying her eyes out. How is she going to tell Lucas? She promised that she's not pregnant. How can she tell him now? Will he be there for her? Rushing solitude had taken over her and she was scared. Scared of being left alone.

…

She walked down the river walk. Everyone around stared at her, at a wreck of a human. She walked slowly, looking around, trying to forget about the pain that smashed her from inside. She noticed familiar, loving pair of eyes looking at her. It was Lucas, he walked towards her. She wiped her tears and walked bravely against him.

"Hey." Lucas said gently. "I haven't seen you around. Are you okay?" He put his arm to Brooke's shoulder, trying to catch her eye at the same time. She trembled and turned her look away.

"Yeah. I'm just tired and I don't feel like communicating right now." Brooke answered quietly. She could hardly hold back sob. She still didn't know how to tell him. She couldn't ruin his life.

"Are you sure? I mean, if you need to talk to someone …"

"We haven't had meaningful conversation for a very long time, why have it now?" Brooke turned her back to Lucas to hide her pain.

"Brooke." Lucas tried to talk to Brooke but unnecessarily. She didn't turn around.

"Not now, Lucas." She couldn't hold back tears for any longer. "Not now." She whispered through the tears. Lucas grabbed her shoulders from behind.

"Tell me what's wrong." Lucas' gentle voice broke into Brooke's head and heart. She couldn't resist and turned herself around, right into his embrace. Being there, she felt amazingly safe. Like everything is okay again. But then she had Peyton's words in her ears again, saying she still has feelings for Lucas.

She raised her head to look into Lucas' eyes. "Do you still love me?" Raspy voice came out with a very simple question which was maybe not so easy to answer.

"Of course I do." Lucas responded and pulled Brooke closer to him. He was hoping to lose that hesitation from her eyes but it stayed there. He softly stroked her hair when she rested her head on his chest. Suddenly his cell phone rang. He let Brooke out of his embrace, walked further and answered the phone. When he ended the call, he walked back to Brooke.

"It was Peyton." Lucas conjured hardly. He knew it hurt her. "I think I have to go."

Brooke turned her look away once again and nodded. "Right." She whispered and tears fell down from her eyes, heavily than before. She turned around and walked to bridge's railing. Lucas didn't know what to say to make her feel better. He walked away. He looked back and saw Brooke resting on the railing with her head shed down. He could tell she was sobbing, very hardly.

So it's like a small introduction to my story. Tell me what you think. Should I continue with it or not?


	2. Breakaway

I'm sorry I forgot to mention before that Brooke broke up with Lucas and told him that Peyton has feelings for him.

…

**Breakaway**

She walked to the hospital soon after Lucas left. She didn't follow him; she just went to visit Rachel. When the elevator doors opened, she saw Lucas and Peyton hugging and smiling in front of her. She felt bitter tears touching her lips again and she just couldn't walk out of that elevator. She turned around, pushed a button and doors closed again. She let Lucas go so he could be happy with Peyton but that didn't mean that she doesn't love him. She did and that hurt her every time she thought about Lucas.

Outside of the hospital she ran into Haley.

"Hey. How are you?" She asked tenderly and tried to hide her sadness behind a smile.

"I'm fine. Nathan gets home today and seems like Cooper will be okay too. But I heard you broke up with Lucas. He was a pretty big mess when he came to me."

"Didn't seem like it to me."

"I know you're hurt but he's hurting too. Try to understand."

"Did he even tell you what happened?"

"He just told me you broke up with him."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. So he didn't tell you that he kissed Peyton and that Peyton still has feelings for him and now he's with her in that hospital, comforting her. Guess what it will be."

"He kissed Peyton again? Unbelievable! And how Peyton could do something like that do you after everything you have been through?" Haley said and raised her voice and shook her head.

"Like she said: she couldn't help it." She blandly shrugged her shoulders.

"I can't believe it! I can only imagine how painful that is."

"I just feel so bad because we broke up yesterday and he's already like forgotten about me. That makes me feel like he has been waiting to get rid of me so he could be with Peyton." She looked down to hide the tears that fell down from her eyes. Once again she felt those stabs in her heart but she wiped away her dears and raised her head again. She tried to be strong again. She looked at Haley and managed a fake smile but Haley knew she wasn't okay with that. So she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around her.

"I still love him so much." She whispered in Haley's embrace and she pulled her closer.

…

At the night she was alone at home. Again. She sat in the living room, wrapped into a blanket and watched TV. She switched through the channels but didn't find anything worth watching. She finally stopped on a fashion channel and stayed watching it. When she looked all those fancy dresses and beautiful shoes, she imagined her fashion line on that catwalk. She startled when someone knocked on the door and finished her imagination.

"Come in!" She yelled from where she sat. She felt so good and warm there that she didn't want to stood up. Soon the door opened and then closed again and she could hear footsteps approaching her. She recognized the person by his footsteps – it was Lucas, and she felt bad in stomach, butterflies all over with stupid excitement. Lots of questions popped into her head. Why is he here? What he's going to tell? Those made the way from the hall way to the living room seem so long. When he finally exceeded threshold of living room, she swallowed her pain and tried to look completely numb.

"Hey." He brought out his softest voice and sat down next to Brooke. "I heard you talked to Haley. She told me you aren't doing very well."

"You couldn't figure it yourself." She answered but still watched the TV-screen.

"Brooke…"

"Why are you doing this?" She didn't let him make excuses. She didn't need to hear it.

"Doing what?"

"Come here and act like you care."

"I care about you. A lot." He said with a dumpling in his throat and put his hand to her knee.

"Very great way of showing it!" She almost yelled at Lucas and stood up so he couldn't touch her. "We just broke up, my good friend is in hospital and still Peyton is the one who needs support. She's always the one who needs someone next to her and you're always that someone. Like she called you before and you were like 'oh, Peyton needs me. I got to go.' I was next to you when she called. I was crying in front of you!" She talked so loud that her voice kept going raspier and she was almost voiceless.

"You broke up with me. What else should I do?"

"I just feel like you waited for that breakup, like that's what you wanted."

"I've never wanted it. I love you and like I told you, you are the biggest part of my life." He stood up and moved closer to Brooke. Outside she was cold and harsh like a stone but inside she was still bleeding. Every 'I love you' from his mouth made it even worse.

"But when you walked away from me before because Peyton needed you, you also walked out from my life." She said and her voice trembled, she could hardly hold back tears. What did she just say? That big, spacious living room in Rachel's house seemed to be smaller than a normal room could ever be; there was no air to breath. She saw tears in his eyes but she couldn't see the pain in those tears. If he wasn't hurt, why is he here? Why did he tell that he loves her and cares about her if he didn't? She looked again but she couldn't figure out what he feels, no matter how badly she wanted that.

"Don't say that. You know it's not true."

"It is true. I'm letting you go. If you think that Peyton is the one who makes you happy then give her a chance. But you can't have both of us."

"I'm sorry." He conjured shortly, lacking out of words to make things better.

"Yeah. Me too." She whispered and walked to the other room, leaving Lucas standing alone in the middle of the living room. He walked out of the house and she watched him from her window. She saw him walking away and felt like her heart goes with him. When he finally drove off, she couldn't hold herself back anymore. She burst into tears. She took a piece of paper, wrote something on it and put it to the wall over her bed. The note said: "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." She had always loved that quote from Tupac Shakur and now she knew he was right. She needed to let it go, no matter how much it hurt and how much tears it brought. She read that note again and tears poured again. She lapsed to the bed, curled herself and shut her eyes, just to escape from painful reality.


	3. Collision

**Collision**

_I lie awake it's a quarter past three  
I'm screaming at night as if  
I thought you'd hear me_

Days passed, another week came by. She opened her eyes on that bed in that same room again. But this time she wasn't alone. Rachel got home and she was sleeping in the other bed next to hers. She looked at her and she couldn't believe how few weeks can change everything so easily. A few weeks ago she was with Lucas, hung out with Peyton, Haley and Mouth, she felt good and the weirdest thing – few weeks ago she hated Rachel with all her heart but now she loved her and couldn't make it without her. She looked at her – she was like a sleeping beauty. Suddenly she started opening her eyes. Rachel stared at her with a sleepy face as she was sitting on the side of her bed and held onto her belly tightly.

„What are you doing up so early? It's only 4 am." She mumbled drowsily without raising her head from the pillow.

„I just couldn't sleep." Answer came from the other bed so quietly that Rachel hardly even heard that. But she knew exactly what was going on.

„Brooke, hun. You know you have to tell him and everyone else or they'll just find out themselves."

„I know and I want to tell the world. I want everyone to know but him." She sobbed and tears filled her eyes once again and she put her head back to the pillow.

"He has a right to know, Brooke." She didn't answer, she didn't want to. They both stilled and Rachel probably fell asleep again but she just stared the ceiling like every night past few weeks. Her mind was racing around madly without letting her breath easily just for once. She remembered the time back when she first dated Lucas and she thought she was pregnant. Two scared teenagers, crying together, thinking what to do next. She was so scared but not as scared she was this time. Last time she didn't want that baby, she wasn't sure. Now she was happy about the baby, she was happy that the boy who she loved was the father but she didn't want him to know. Teary eyed, she lied on her bed with those thoughts until the sun raised.

_I pretended I'm glad you went away  
These four walls closing more everyday_

Schoolyard was full of people. Freshmen, sophomores, juniors and finally seniors. All gathered into their own groups, where they belonged. She walked towards her friends but suddenly stopped. She didn't feel like belonging there. They laughed. Nathan and Haley cuddled and Nathan was obviously telling some nice things to Haley, she could tell by Haley's facial expressions. Bevin and Skills were in an active conversation with Lucas and Peyton who stood there, shyly side by side, just in case she'd arrived in a moment. She knew those two had always had feelings for each other, but why he had to fool her and make her believe that he loves her? She knew she wasn't the girl for him, it always had been Peyton.

"Hey, bitchy." She suddenly heard Rachel from behind. She turned around and smirked.

"Slutty." She greeted her back as she approached.

"Can't go there, huh?" Rachel asked and she tried not to seem like she actually cares.

"No, I actually realized that I don't want to go there." The most apathetic impression that she could manage came to her face.

"So you want to say that you don't want to go there and kiss Lucas. Or giggle with Peyton and Haley. And you don't care at all about Peyton and Lucas being together."

"Yep. It's time to move on."

"Who are you kidding, Brooke? You didn't get any sleep because you were crying all night. You look pretty bad actually."

Rachel exposed her. She felt like she was standing naked in front of her. She just shed her head for a moment to breathe deeply and then raised it again. She eyed Rachel.

"It's okay to be sad if you really love him. But it's your own decision if you are going to show that sadness or you are going to hide it." She heard out Rachel's words and turned around to walk away. Even walking was harder than ever before, like all the weight of world lied on her shoulders. She was scared. Scared to face the reality. But she knew she can do it. She can walk into that school, into the class room and pretend like everything is okay.

After her hard day she finally felt relieved when she could sat down to the bench outside the school and just be without scaring anything. She only sat there for few minutes when a familiar figure sat down next to her. His perfume was so recognizable. What he wants again? Why he had to come here? She though. In silence she sat there next to him without daring to look. She tried to act cool, again.

"How are you?" He finally asked.

"Fine. Why you ask?" She answered arrogantly. Her heart was beating fast, she wanted to rip it out and just stop it. Her heart made her mad.

"You weren't okay last time I talked to you."

"_Really_? Which time do you mean? When I got to know you kissed _Peyton_ or when I broke up with you or when you walked away from me because of Peyton? Or was it when you came to tell me that you _love me_ without meaning it?"

"Brooke, I'm sorry."

"You know what? I'm not."

"Why are you acting like this?" He put his hand to her shoulder but she jerked away. She didn't want to be influenced by his touch.

"I don't know. Do you?"

"It's not like you at all."

"Maybe. By the way, your girlfriend is stalking us so you'd better get there before she's going to kill both of us." She pointed her finger to Peyton and waited for Lucas to leave but he turned himself and just gave her a sign that he's not coming yet and for her surprise, Peyton seemed to be okay with it. He turned back to her and gazed every inch of her body in a fraction of a second. She felt weird cold shivers shaking her. It felt weird for her because it was a really warm and sunny day.

"Can we at least be friends again?" He stared her and impatience was noticeable for everyone who passed them. He rubbed her hands and fingers nervously; she found it funny and let out a quiet giggle but turned to serious again.

"I think we can't. As long as I'm fighting with Peyton and you are dating her there's no way."

"Why don't you just talk to Peyton? You know, she hasn't done anything wrong."

"Okay. There's no way that we could be friends." That response from Lucas upset her more than anything else could. She pulled herself up from the bench and added "And please, try to keep your distance."

"Brooke!" He tried to stop her but she walked away from him just like he walked away from her.

_Like a clown, I put on a show  
The pain is real even if nobody knows_

Later at the night Rachel was out with some guy and she felt lonely so she went to Haley and Nathan's place. She walked up to the stairs and stopped in front of the white door that used to be hers once. She pushed the doorbell button as hard as she could and she heard Haley running to the door.

"Calm down already. I'm coming, I'm coming!" She heard Haley yelling before opening the door. She seemed to be irritated but when she opened the door her big smile appeared and that made her smile too.

"Hey tutor girl!" she cheered while jumping to the apartment and Haley had to move or she could have been knocked out by her. She sat down to the couch, waiting for Haley to join her. Finally she did.

"So, how are you doing?" She continued cheerfully, without wiping away the wide smile on her face.

"I'm doing well. I didn't see you around us much today. Is everything okay?"

"Of course. I just hung out with Rachel and Bevin."

"Sure?" Haley asked over. She just nodded to show her. She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by the knocking on the door. Haley stood up and walked to the door. She followed her with eyes, waiting forward to see who's behind the door. But when the door opened and the figure behind that came out, she wasn't that delighted or excited any longer. She saw a slim woman figure with a leather jacket and dark jeans standing on a threshold. That was Peyton. Pain and anger mixed with blood in her veins and she wished she could disappear. She felt such messed up things that she could cry in front of Haley and Peyton at that moment. She eyed Peyton, then Haley and moved her eyes back to Peyton again. She smiled to her. That smile was so warm and powerful that anger in her changed to sadness. She couldn't stand it any longer and stood up.

"I'll better go now." She said quietly, trying to send her disappointment to Peyton.

"You don't have to go, Brooke." Peyton responded. She stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind her. Now she was facing Peyton, only few feet away from her.

"Yes. I have to." She raised her voice and felt her body filling with anger once again. She walked to the door and wanted to open it but Peyton didn't let her. She pulled away her hand but she put it back again.

"LET ME JUST LEAVE!" She screamed through the apartment. Probably all the neighbors and pedestrians on the street heard that scream. Tears thronged to her eyes but she didn't let them fall. She didn't turn around to see Haley's face but she could feel her surprised look at her.

"We have to talk!"

"We have nothing to talk about." Now she got really mad. Her voice couldn't go any louder.

"Yes, _we do_. I don't get why you are so mad at me?" Peyton cried as she pushed her away.

"You don't get it? For a fake blond you are really dumb! You are all over my boyfriend and you still don't get why I'm mad!"

"Can you even hear yourself? Your boyfriend? Didn't you break up with him?"

"Yeah I did. So what? It doesn't mean he's all yours now!"

"So he's not your boyfriend anymore! And I'm not all over him. It's your own fault that you didn't want him. Maybe you made a mistake and you actually still want him but that's too bad because it looks like he's not interested in you anymore."

"How dare you …" That was it. She couldn't take any more. He didn't want her. He didn't lover her. After all she was right about him. Her pain was now choking her and Peyton's big green eyes peered deep holes to her soul and body. And again she heard that familiar voice in her head, saying _"__I love you and like I told you, you are the biggest part of my life"_. Those words didn't want to leave her, no matter how hard she tried. Without noticing it, she was crying. Salt tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Are you happy now?" She growled with her huskiest voice. And she spoke as she wipe away her tears "You have always been the girl for him. Always. I was just a fun fling full of mistaken feelings. He thought he really loved me, what a fool. He just saw you were happy with Jake and couldn't stand being alone. And I believed him. I believed that he really loved me and wanted to be with me. We even discussed going to the same colleges! And now I can't darn myself enough for it. I still love him and I probably always will. I know I'm a real fool. But love made a fool of me. And I don't understand how you can rub it to my face like this! You are my best friend. Sorry. You were. I hope someday you will understand why I'm so crushed but until then we can't even talk to each other."

Peyton gazed her stunned. She gazed her back. She didn't know what she just said, she felt like she was in a deep black whole, not remembering anything she did there. She looked at Haley. She stared her. Whole room filled with uncomfortable silence. Soon Brooke stepped closer to the door again, waiting for Peyton to respond. But she only looked into her wet eyes with her mouth shut.

"May I leave now?" She asked and let out a small sob. Peyton stepped away from the door and she walked out. It was raining outside. As she closed the door she ran as fast as she could. If only the rain could wash a way all those bad feelings inside her. When she couldn't run any more, she just fell down to the ground and sat there. Tears on her face mixed with rain and she felt all the strength leaving her body. She was weak, broken, alone.

_I'm trembling at night and  
Nobody knows it but me_

I'm really sorry that I haven't update for a very long time. I have so much to do but I'm trying to keep updating. I hope I have enough time to continue the story.


	4. Reconciliation

As you can see I have different time line than in the show. The party in TRIC with Lupe Fiasco was before Brooke's birthday but I didn't write about it.

And again I'm really sorry about such a long run between updates but I'm trying to keep updating.

**Reconciliation**

_I'm slowly losing my mind  
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside_

Warmth and freshness of the wind were floating through the air on that special day. It wasn't special for others but that was Brooke's eighteenth birthday. She was curled up in her bed once again when Rachel woke her up.

"Hey, woke up, sunshine! It's your day today." She said and shook her. She slowly started to open her eyes and smiled. What she would do without Rachel, she thought. Had herself wrung, she rose up from the bed and sat down to the bedside. A little pink cream cake with a candle on it stood on the cupboard. "Happy birthday!" Sounded Rachel's sweet voice with a wide smile. She would never think of Rachel as such good friend.

"Thank you." She answered quietly and hugged Rachel. She took the cake and blew the candle with just one wish on her head that everything's going to be alright again.

"So what are your plans for today?"

"Staying at home, watching TV and hoping that _someone_ still _remembers_ me."

"You are _so_ boring."

"Boring? I'm pregnant Rachel!" She almost yelled at her without really wanting to do it but that thought made her nervous and even a little angry.

"Sorry, I already forgot about that. But I have to go now, I'm sorry that I have to leave you here alone, _mommy_."

"Just _go_ before I use my _wrist_ to hit your face." She growled at Rachel when she was rushing out of the door. She was alone again in a big empty house, so she grabbed a blanket and went to the living room again. It was the first time she was in that room after Lucas had been there and all those moments were flashing through her eyes again. But she knew she was stronger than that. She took a deep breath and said to herself "I'm over it. They are not worth my tears and pain" and sat down to the couch to watch some not very interesting movie. She sat there for hours and hours. Seemed like nobody knew it's her birthday. She was about to give up waiting and to pour some tears but then the doorbell rang. This time went and opened the door by herself to avoid uncomfortable moments and conversations. She opened the door and saw Haley standing there, smiling. She let her come inside and whole house like brightened up. Haley had lately been the person who makes her forgot all the bad she was going through.

"Hey, tigger. Happy birthday!" Haley cheered on the door before coming in and hugging Brooke her as strongly as she could. She closed the door and they walked to the living room.

"So. Who's your day?" Haley asked after sitting down to the couch next to Brooke and hoped to hear list of activities to do on your birthday. But Brooke hasn't done anything which was really unusual for her.

"Umm. Like usually, you know." She answered demurely. Haley's facial expression changed immediately.

"It's your _birthday_, Brooke! Are you kidding me?" She said in her highest voice and moved closer to Brooke.

"And I'm living in _Tree Hill_! It's like the _smallest_ town ever. Everywhere I go I see Peyton and Lucas making out or other people talking how cute they are or whatever." She whined back testily.

"It still hurts, yeah?"

"No. I just … I don't like to see them. Together or not, _both_ of them still bother me. It feels like god _really_ hates me. They're like _everywhere_ I go!"

"Brooke its okay to be hurt and feel bad about it. You don't have to hide your emotions."

"I'm _not_ hurt, okay? I'm over it. I get it, Lucas doesn't love me. He doesn't want me. I really get it. There's no need to rub it to my face."

"But you were pretty upset after that impact with Peyton at my place." After seeing Brooke rolling her eyes, she added "She actually regretted later what she said. She was at my place whole night."

"She just made things clear. But it's not war. I'm not going after Lucas to be the _other girl_."

"It's _your_ happiness. Do whatever you need to do. But remember if you are happy then so am I."

"Have I told you lately how great friend you are?" She asked and Haley shook head. "Come here." She grabbed her to her embrace and hugged her.

"I hope everything's going to work out for you." Haley whispered, being in Brooke's embrace.

"Don't worry about it. I will be fine." She didn't believe her own words so she wasn't sure if her best friend believed them. But she wanted to believe it more than anything else in the world.

Brooke spent whole time after Haley left in her bedroom, staring the ceiling. It was plain and white but she stared it like she was expecting to see something there. Her mind wanted to wander around in the past when she was happy but she didn't let it. Concentrating on her future was the most important thing right now. Future as her baby and her fashion line. That was the main thing that worried her – the fashion line. She wasn't sure if she could handle baby and work at the same time. And she hadn't even told her mom about pregnancy yet. But hearing her mother's harsh words was the last thing he wanted at that moment. Suddenly she departed from her thoughts and looked at the clock. She didn't realize that it was so late already. There was a party at TRIC that night and she promised to Haley she won't miss it. She wanted to see Fall Out Boy and it was a great chance for her to prove that she's over Lucas and she can handle the situation. She buckled her finest black dress she could find from her closet and unfastened her hair that was plaited, put on perfect red lipstick and her best face-powder. Mascara shaved her eyelashes perfectly and the eye shadow she used brought out her eye color. She took a look at the mirror and scanned herself properly. Beautiful brown locks framed her face and that black dress made her look slimmer than she really was. There were no marks of pregnancy so she was safe. At least for now. She was ready to go. She took her car keys and went out.

_Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly  
'Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering_

She met with Rachel at the TRIC and they sat beside the bar counter. Passersby congratulated Brooke. She nicely thanked them and felt better for a while.

"Seems like you're still Brooke Davis the president of the student council not Brooke Davis the dumped grass-widow." Rachel picked at her and her mood was ruined again.

"Shhhh! There are like I don't know how many people around us. Don't talk about it so loudly! Somebody could hear you." Brooke said under her breath as quietly as she could.

"You mean him?" Rachel pointed at Lucas who was approaching them and scanning with his eyes at the same time.

"No. I told him to keep the distance."

"Seems to me like he's not very good at keeping it." They noticed Lucas looking at them and he was almost there. Rachel stood up and walked away.

"Rachel! Where are you going? Don't –" Brooke hissed under her breath again and tried to stop her but she couldn't. Lucas was the last person she wanted to talk to but soon Lucas stood next to her and she turned away.

"Hey, are you okay? You don't look very good." Lucas said when he sat down to the chair where Rachel sat before.

"Oh, thank you. That was very nice. If you came here to say it then I got it. You can go now." Brooke snapped and turned back to Lucas.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"Remember what I told you about keeping the distance?"

"Yeah."

"Then do what I told you! I don't think there's another way of understanding it."

"I want to be friends with you. And I'm sorry about the last time in TRIC."

"_Is it true?" Lucas asked her when he approached. He didn't seem to be very pleased._

"_Oh, that didn't take long. Luke, I told you I wasn't pregnant, all right? Do you think I would lie to you?" _

"_That wouldn't be the first time."_

"_No, the first time, actually, I __lied __and said I __was __pregnant. Also the first time, you were sneaking around __my__ back with Peyton." Lucas saying things like that and accusing her made her feel worse than she already did. Like all those other words weren't enough._

"_Brooke, this is my decision, too." _

"_As though you're the only guy I've ever slept with?"_

"_Chris Keller"_

"_I … Unbelievable, You know what? Don't talk to me!"_

Why he wanted to apologize now? They haven't talk for a long time and she was actually okay with that but now he tore open the old wounds.

"Don't you think it's a little too late for apologizing?"

"I think it's never too late."

"Yea, because you think that your almighty Scott's charm and fluency will fix everything. But guess what. I think I know you well enough to withstand it."

She was lying all over again. She lied to Lucas, to herself and to everybody else. But she wanted to be strong so badly that she couldn't help lying.

"It's not like that Brooke. I'm really sorry for everything I've done to you. And I don't think you are a slut or something. I was just worried and I was talking nonsense."

"Worried? That's not a reason for calling me slut!"

"I know. I didn't call you slut at all. But I thought that if you are pregnant I have to be there for you although it would have been weird since I'm dating Peyton and you are her best friend."

"Ex-best friend."

"If you say so but you know that we are both here if you need us."

"Can I ask you a question?" She wanted to know just one thing and end this conversation before she tells him everything.

"Sure."

"Do you love me? Or more like did you love me?"

"Of course I love you Brooke but –"

"But you love Peyton more. I get it." She stood up and started walking away but stopped and turned around to look at Lucas once more. She added sarcastically "And thank you."

"For what?" Lucas was really confused now.

Brooke walked to the table where Nathan and Haley sat. She sat down beside the table and grabbed Haley's drink.

"What is it?" She asked and stared at the drink.

"An OJ. You can take it if you want to."

"Not the best thing to drink when you are crushed but okay. I can imagine that as a cocktail. Mmm." She drained the glass and gave it back to Haley. The band stopped playing and everyone around looked at the stage when band' vocalist Patrick started talking.

"Hi guys! I hope you are all having fun. We're doing our best to keep you up all night! But we have a birthday girl here in the club. Brooke could you come to the stage?"

Brooke was looking around with mouth wide open. That was a real surprise for her. Of course she went to the stage, she loved Fall Out Boy. All the band members congratulated her.

"I remember you." Pete said when she stepped towards him. He smiled and hugged her. "Happy birthday!"

"Now everybody in the crowd let's sing to that beautiful girl!" Patrick yelled then and everyone in the club started singing. She searched for Lucas and Peyton but she couldn't find them. They probably left already, without saying happy birthday or something.

She left the stage by the cheers and went back to where she had sat before with Nathan and Haley.

"I think I'm going home. I'm not feeling very well." She said and didn't lie. Her stomach was all weird and her head was aching. Plus Lucas had ripped out a piece of her heart again so it hurt too.

"You don't look very good either." Haley responded and put her arm around her shoulders. "Can you go by yourself or do I have to drive you?"

"No, I can go by myself. See you, guys." Nathan and Haley both waved to her when she left. She practically ran to her car because pain in her stomach was killing her. She drove home and as a first thing she ran into the house to find some painkillers. After that she went to the bedroom, took out the box that had picture of Lucas and his letters in it. She took all the pictures and letters and ripped them into thousand pieces. She wasn't really controlling herself because the pain was almost unbearable. She ripped the pictures with all her anger and strength she had until she didn't have any more. There she sat in the middle of the floor with the pieces of Lucas lying around her. How she wished that it was Lucas she ripped apart, not pictures of him. And now she really felt that was it. It' over for good and it's not coming back. With difficulties he crawled to the bed and embroiled herself into the blanket just to let out few quiet sobs. For the first time she felt the real pain of letting go.

_So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to  
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue  
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through_


	5. Letting go

**Letting go**

_Oh, why I have these strange emotions  
And the answers that I've found  
They're not enough for me_

The shiny glass-shelf on the wall of Brooke and Rachel's bedroom had pictures on it. All full of love, happiness and dreams that now are gone far away. Brooke was home all alone – Rachel was at school and she was absent because she hadn't feel very well lately. So she was staring at the shelf of memories, like she had named it in her mind. But why she kept it there at all? It's not like it did any good to her. Maybe it helped her to move on. No, it wasn't that. She walked to that shelf and took down the pictures. After taking them out of their frames, she ripped herself out of the pictures and put together a piece with Peyton on it and a piece with Lucas on it. She put the picture back to its frame and placed to the shelf. Pieces with her on them she stuck to the mirror on the closet. She flinched and almost screamed when Rachel walked into the room, probably because she was thinking too much, again.

"I don't get it. You startle every time I step into the room. I know I'm Rachel the bitchy redhead but I'm not scary!" Rachel said and laid down to her bed.

"Sorry I was just thinking and I didn't hear you coming." She answered and sat down to her bed.

"You have done too much thinking lately. Are you sure you don't have a head trauma?"

"I'm fine. I don't even have a heart trauma anymore."

"What is going on here anyway? Some kind of Leyton forever campaign?" Rachel asked, pointing on the compound picture on the shelf.

"No! It's for reminding me how things are now until I return to school. I feel like I'm insulated from the real world."

"For how long to you have to be at home?"

"A week more. I'm going to die here!" Brooke whined and wriggled on the bed.

"What's wrong with you anyway? You have been weird for weeks now. One night I found ripped pictures of Lucas lying all over the floor. He's a hot guy. You should have given me those pictures. And then you feel sick all the time and never okay. Are you sure that your baby is okay?"

"I'm pretty sure."

"What doctor said?"

"I didn't tell her I was pregnant."

"What?" Rachel jumped up from the bed and looked at Brooke.

"Yeah. I just told her about things that have happened to me lately and she said it's probably because of stress and told me to rest at home." She started to feel really bad about this. It felt like she's going to kill her baby but she didn't want this to happen.

"You are going to make a terrible mother."

"I'm not!"

"Like that you are. Trust me. Nobody likes the mother who doesn't care if they are okay or not." Rachel lied down and clearly ended the conversation. Brooke knew she was right and it scared her more and more. What if she couldn't handle everything on her own? She didn't even want to think about it. Never before had she felt so helpless and defenseless. Suddenly the door bell rang. Brooke waited for Rachel to open the door but she didn't move herself.

"Aren't you going to open the door?" She finally asked.

"Why me?"

"There's a slight chance that someone in Tree Hill is looking for me so go and open the door."

Brooke got up from the bed and walked to the door. Her feet were heavier than ever before and she was feeling sick once again. But no matter how bad she felt, she would have given everything to have a great walk outside. She opened the door and was really surprised to see Lucas standing in front of her again.

"Hey, Luke. What are you doing here?" She asked nicely. It was time to move on and forgot the anger inside her. She really wanted be friends with Lucas, so he could be near her all the time.

"I came to see how you are. You haven't been to school and we haven't had a chance to talk after the party." Lucas answered with a sweet smile on his face. With a smile that no one else in the world had.

"I'm glad you came. I really need a walk." She spoke quietly and answered with a smile. She was so glad. Nothing else would have made her smile at that moment. After stepping out, she closed the door and they both walked down the stairs to leave the forecourt of Rachel's huge mansion. They stepped to the street and walked along.

"So tell me how you are." Lucas started the conversation soon. Brooke tried to figure out whether he really wants to know it or he just wanted to remedy everything he had done. But after a few seconds she felt like it didn't matter anymore. Only thing that mattered was that they were there and they were together.

"I'm better right now." She answered briefly.

"But why weren't you at school?"

"I felt really bad. I had head aches and sickness all the time. I think it was because of …" She was almost about to tell him the truth but she stopped before causing the chaos. But she wanted to tell, more than anything. She coughed. "Doctor said it was because of stress. She said I've been through a lot lately and that's the consequence."

"I'm sorry that I put you through all that."

Now she really saw that regret in his eyes that were wet. Her eyes didn't have anymore tears to pour but if there were any, she wouldn't let them come out anyway.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize. It's all done and gone. It's past and living in the past isn't the best way of living. I'm sure that future has more to offer." That's what she told herself everyday and now she actually believed in those words.

"So you are okay with me and Peyton then?" He asked feeling slightly uncomfortable at the same time.

"Yeah. I guess we weren't mean to be." Right now she wanted to believe those words coming out of her mouth. But yet she couldn't. For that she needed more time. "I mean, if we couldn't get over a kiss that you said meant nothing then I don't think we would get over all the difficulties that couples have. I don't want to say that our time together was wasted time. When I look back today I smile. I smile because I'm happy about the times I've had with you and I don't regret anything because thanks to you I know who I am and I can show it to others too." She managed a little smile to her face. Feeling relieved was everything she was longing for and now she felt that. Like a stone fell off of her heart.

"I agree. And I'll never forget these times. Now I'd love to be really good friends with you. You are a part of my life and always will be. So, friends?" He smiled and stretched out his hand. She answered with a grin and gave him her hand. They shook hands and he put his arm around her shoulders as they walked on together.

"I've actually never like the sweater you wear. It makes you look old." Lucas picked on her and laughed.

"Oh, shut up!" She laughed too and punched him softly with her wrist. She felt how good it was to be a friend with him. Maybe she stops missing his love and starts needing his friendship. That would be best for both of them.

_It's time we're reaching out for more  
It's time we're reaching out for love  
Well it's time to realize what are we for_

Since that were the day when she let go of past and pain, she had plenty of things to do. Actually only one important thing – talk to Peyton. She wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do because she didn't have anything to apologize for. But still she wanted to talk to her. Lately she had started missing her. She thought that maybe Rachel and Haley could fill that whole but she realized that no one can replace Peyton. Although she really had nothing to say to her, she soon stood behind her door and rang the bell. When the door opened, she saw Peyton's face lighting up but smile didn't come. She was wearing a dressing-gown and curlers were in her hair. But that wasn't very surprising; there was a banquet that night where Brooke wasn't going because of her health. And of course she didn't have anyone to go with. So they stayed there, Brooke in jimmies and sneakers, probably looking bad, Peyton in beautiful white dressing-gown and looking more beautiful than ever before.

"Hi Peyton, you look nice." She finally said something but it all came out hardly.

"Is that all you came to say? 'Cause if it is, I have to go. I have plenty to do." Peyton wasn't really nice but she wasn't expecting that.

"I just wanted to … wanted to ask something." She actually didn't have any good idea on her head but Peyton didn't want to wait.

"Go ahead." She responded.

"If there's an option, would you choose love over a friendship?" The question popped to her head and that was all she needed to know. But seemed like Peyton didn't want to answer. She looked away; probably she didn't even plan to answer. But silence can tell more than words, so Brooke got her answer.

"I thought so." She said and just walked away. She knew Peyton couldn't answer because Brooke was sure she would give away everything for Lucas. Maybe their love was undeniable, powerful and destined to be. Maybe. She didn't know that. How could it be that she and Lucas weren't meant to be when she found it hard to breathe without him? She let go of him but at the same time he still stays in her heart. She wasn't sure of she can ever throw him out. But she wanted to try. For her own sake. Despite the fact that she had to stay home alone all night she didn't lose her mood. She went back home and took out the collection of the best horror movies and started to watch her favorite – The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Horror movies mend your broken heart better than some tearjerkers.

So she spent her night at home, with her favorite horror movie. But she had to go out because she promised to meet Rachel when she leaves the banquet. For sure she didn't want to go near there. Seeing all them dressed up and being all glam that made her kind of sad. She is Brooke Davis who loves party, beautiful clothes, fancy dinners and all that glamorous stuff. Now she had to miss it. But there were reasons why she had to go. She needed to see Peyton and Lucas together so she could finally move on. Or at least try to. So she went there and waited for Rachel outside. She couldn't keep herself from looking in. From that big window there she saw the table where her friends sat. Nathan, Haley, Peyton and Luca were talking and laughing. Gigi and Mouth were in a pretty deep conversation, Rachel were gazing them and disturbing their conversation from time to time. Rachel made her laugh but she kept staring at Lucas and Peyton. They looked amazing together. So happy and pleasant. She was so busy with looking at them that she didn't notice people coming out until Rachel startled her from the back and she let out a little scream.

"Are you a stalker or what?" Rachel said and laughed.

"No. I just wanted to see how you have fun there when I'm outside in cold waiting for your fat ass." Brooke answered and by that time others were coming out too. When Haley saw her, she ran straight to her and hugged her.

"Tigger, how are you?" She asked still holding Brooke in her embrace.

"I'm fine, tutor girl." She smiled to Haley. She loved when someone was interested in how she was doing. It made her feel good and loved.

"When can you come to school? Every single person misses you! And I miss you the most." Haley's words made her feel warm.

"Soon." She whispered and grinned like she hadn't grinned for a very long time. At the same time Peyton and Lucas walked out, holding hands. She looked at them and still grinned. Peyton was the first one to notice her grinning and managed a little smile. Obviously she wanted to grin too, but she had to play tough. She probably thought that Brooke would take it as giving up. Then Lucas saw her and nodded to her for greeting. She only beckoned her hand and didn't let that grin go away. Then Mouth came to hug her and suddenly they all were standing somewhere close to her. She would have gave everything to have them all hugging her but she was satisfied with their nearness too. She knew it takes longer to get back where it used to be but she was ready to wait. It was all worth waiting for.

_And now I've gathered all the answers  
Now I've learnt to realize  
Learnt to let go_


	6. Change

**Change**

_I try to hold this under control  
they can't help me 'cause no one knows_

Weeks went by; Brooke felt a lot better and was back at school. Things hadn't changed much; she still ignored Peyton and Lucas. Or they ignored her. They just gazed each other at the hall and walked on. No words, no emotions, nothing. She probably got the wrong idea of the smiles and looks she got after the banquet a few weeks ago. She felt so good that night and after a long time without sleeping, she slept a great jag. But lately her dreams had turned to nightmares. Losing her baby and being left alone to the world is all she sees every night. And she felt terribly lonely all the time. Like there's no one around. Rachel was out every night; Haley was busy with the tutor center and her job in the café. Lucas hadn't talked to her since promising to be friends and she didn't expect any kind of friendliness from Peyton. Only Mouth had visited her few times and that's all. That's who she had become. From Brooke Davis the student council president and the captain of cheer squad to Brooke Davis the invisible teenage mom-to-be. Her pregnancy wasn't as invisible as her anymore. Her belly showed more every day and she did her best to hide it. Only weird thing was that she missed cheer practices and made Rachel the new captain. Girls from the squad kept asking her what's wrong and she just said stress was the reason for everything. For now she was safe again.

One day after the school she went to the cheer practice. She hadn't felt such an empty place in her life before. She had been a cheerleader for such a long time that she didn't know how to be without cheerleading. She sat down to the gym while Rachel was showing the new routine to the squad. After the practice Haley saw her and joined her.

"Hi, Brooke. What are you doing here?" She asked and hugged her.

"I just realized how I missed it. And I wanted to see you. Since you've been so busy lately we haven't had a chance to talk. There's so much going on and I just need to talk to somebody." She was really feeling like she couldn't hide her secret anymore and she knew Haley won't tell anyone. But the gym wasn't the best place for talking secrets.

"I got a free afternoon. Let's go to my place and have a nice girly chat." Haley offered. That was the best offer she could get that day. She nodded and they both stood up to leave the gym. In the car, on their way to Haley's apartment, Brooke felt that pain in her stomach again. She tried to hide it but Haley saw her jerking and cramping a bit.

"Brooke, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. My stomach just hurts a bit." She wished that would be a really small pain but it was huge. But she managed to hide it, although she wanted to scream.

"You sure?"

"Yes. It's all because that stress." Little white lies came out of her mouth again. Lying to Haley felt worse than that pain. But she just couldn't tell the truth.

Later at Haley's place they sat beside the kitchen table and drank juice. Haley cooked a bit but then found time to sit down with Brooke.

"So. I heard you and Lucas are friends again?" She frittered a question that Brooke didn't want to discuss. That topic named Lucas was her last favorite.

"He said that?" She asked and Haley nodded. "He said that to me too. He promised to be my friend and be there for me but you know he's not the best at keeping his promises."

"What he did again?"

"Nothing. And that's the problem." She tried to keep herself from getting angry because that only meant more pain. But even though she was totally calm, she still felt that pain a little. Seemed like it didn't even plan to go away.

"I know he can be a jerk sometimes but trust me, he's good at keeping secrets. I've been his best friend for a very long time now."

"Maybe it's like that with you but for me, he's really lousy person. I mean what about all those things he promised to be. Everything's going to be okay, he'll be with me forever, he never ever stops loving me, and his heart is with me. And what about those great lines like 'I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis. You'll see. I love you, Pretty girl. You are the biggest part of my world. I want to be with you, not Peyton. I missed you. I understand that you didn't know about the kiss and I'm sorry but it wasn't a romantic moment. IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING. DON'T BE MAD, BROOKE. I wasn't then but I am now. How could he say it didn't mean anything? It meant more than everything. EVERYTHING. It ruined –" She was yelling and walking around the room when she suddenly stopped after feeling the pain growing stronger and she choked. "-everything." She ended her sentence almost whispering. She tried to breathe deeply but the pain was still there. It took her over and she tried to get herself up to forget about it but this time it wasn't so easy. Pain was really killing her and she let herself fall to the ground.

"Brooke! What's wrong?" Haley rushed to her and tried to pull her up.

"No, Hales. Let me sit here. It hurts so bad." She mumbled and curled herself up even more.

"I'm helping you to the couch if you just let me." She still tried to help her up.

"I am pregnant Haley. Please call a doctor." Brooke finally had to say what's wrong.

"What?" Haley looked at her and couldn't believe what she heard.

"Please help me Hales. I'm losing my baby." She begged and cried on the floor. Haley realized that Brooke wasn't just raving and grabbed the phone to call the ambulance.

_Now I'm going through changes, changes  
God, I feel so frustrated lately_

Later at the hospital after a few hours doctors finally let Haley to see Brooke. She was tired of lying alone on that uncomfortable bed and wanted company really badly so she was really happy seeing Haley approaching her bed.

"Are you alone?" She asked just in case someone's on the door.

"Yes, but others are out there waiting to hear from you. So how are you feeling?" Haley asked while sitting down to the chair next to the bed.

"Better if I don't mention that extremely uncomfortable bed and boring female nurses. I was looking forward to see some hot male doctors but well, I had to disappoint."

"Good to hear that. Listen, you said something when you were struggling with pain. You said that you are pregnant. Is that true?"

She had seen that one coming. Why the hell she had to tell that. Probably she wasn't really thinking because that pain was really killing her. Now her only hope was that Haley could keep a secret.

"Yes." She gave an answer quietly whispering.

"Why haven't you told anyone?" Her voice was full of anxiety. Brooke was scaring that maybe she will be disappointed her not trusting her but she didn't seem to be.

"No one needs to know right now. I wanted to tell when the time is right."

"When is the right time Brooke? When you give birth?"

"I just need a few more weeks. And I beg you to not tell anyone. I really trust you and I want you to trust me. I will tell everyone. I need to time to prepare myself for that." Her voice broke and she stopped talking. It was hard to tell the world about it. There wasn't a day when she didn't think about it. But she felt better now when Haley knew.

"I trust you. I just … don't get why you told Lucas you're not pregnant."

"I guess I'm too scared. I know I'm destroying his life and relationship with Peyton. I want to keep him away. This is my child and I want him to live his life. I know you understand me. And I know you for sure will be there for me." After those words Haley squeezed her hand and smiled to her. That made her a lot confident than she was before. And she made her first step to telling everyone. But she still found it hard to tell Lucas.

"I'm always there for you." Haley answered and before Brooke could smile to her, the doctor walked in.

"Hi, Brooke. How are you feeling?" She asked her and walked to them.

"Good. Is everything okay?" This time she really wanted to know how her baby is doing. Every mother would want to know that. At least every great mother and that's exactly what Brooke wanted to be.

"You still have some kind of pressure on you and you have to let it go or things will be worse next time. But now you will be okay but you have to stay at the hospital so we can be sure that your babies will be fine. But right now they are in good condition." The doctor stopped and Brooke was confused. Did she heard wrong?

"Wait a sec. Did you say my babies? They?" She asked eyeing the doctor suspiciously.

"You are having twins." The doctor responded with a wide smile, making Brooke nervous.

"TWINS?" She almost yelled but Haley calmed her down by squeezing her hand.

"Yes. A boy and a girl. Congratulations. But I have to leave you now. See you tomorrow." The doctor left the room and Brooke looked at Haley, being unable to say anything.

"Brooke. You're going to have two beautiful babies. We all will be there for you and you are going to be fine." Haley tried to comfort her but for some reason those words didn't help at all. Of course she wanted to believe in what she said but it seemed impossible.

"Don't say that Haley! I've been struggling to cope with the fact that I'm having a baby and now I'm getting two babies. Nothing's alright and never ever will be. I'm 18 year old with two babies. How can you imagine me raising two children alone and working with my fashion line at the same time? It's impossible!"

"You have Lucas."

"No. No. No. Lucas is so out of the picture. I'm not going to drag him into this." She had made her decision to left Lucas out. Of course he could visit his children and have them over his place but she didn't want him to give up everything he had to be with her of he didn't love her. He's happy. Happy with Peyton but still she was glad. He being happy was everything she wanted.

"But you are going to tell him, right?"

"Yeah, eventually I have to." She whispered. All she wanted was to know why all these things keep happening to her. Had she really been so bad to deserve that? Sure, children were great and sweet but having two of them in high school wasn't a good thing. At least for her it wasn't. And she was trapped now. Her pregnancy was really showing already and it was time to tell others. Starting with her mom.

"Hales, can you give me my cell phone?" She asked and Haley did what she told. After getting the cell, she dialed her mom's number.

"Hi, mom. How are you? Nice to hear. Listen, umm. There's something I need to tell you. I … I am pregnant, mom. I'm having twins. Umm. Mom? Are you still there? Mom? Hello?" She ended the call and looked at Haley teary eyed. "She hung up."

"I believe she's going to accept it one day."

"Trust me, she won't! You don't know my mom. She's probably panicking about how to avoid being called grandma because that would make her look old!" She knew she was right. Her mom never cared about her. So why would she care if she can handle it by herself? And her dad was so gone that she didn't even know where he was. So family wasn't there to support her.

"I'm sorry but I have to go now. You know, work. And others want to see you too, I suppose."

"Um, Haley. Tell them that they can go home. I'm really tired and I need some time alone for thinking."

Haley nodded and she slowly walked out of the room. She was stuck in the middle and there were no easy way out. Two babies, she thought. She's going to be a mother of two gorgeous children – a boy and a girl. That way it sounded good, even great actually but when she dropped down from that cloud, harsh reality was there in her mind again. Her mother didn't accept it and that was the biggest problem. She promised to help her with the company but now she was sure she had to do all by herself. She was alone. Yes, Lucas is the father but she didn't want him to sacrifice his future and happiness. She could tell that he had never been happier before. Probably Peyton was the right for him. No matter how much it hurt her, she accepted it. It was better than living in dreams. Things were changing and she knew it won't be same again. She just needed to stay strong and live her life. She knew she could do it.

_I'm running, shaking   
Bound and breaking  
I hope I make it through all these changes_


	7. Revelation

**Revelation**

_I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

A week later Brooke was ready to get back to school again but there was only one huge problem – her pregnancy wasn't invisible anymore and she knew she had to tell Lucas. She hadn't sleep for week because she thought how to tell him. 

„Just tell him: Luke, I'm pregnant. It's yours. What else do you want to tell him?" Rachel gave her advice on the morning before going to school. She obviously didn't even imagine what it's like to be pregnant teenager.

"You're not helping! I can't just walk to him and tell that he's going to be a father!" She was really nervous and tired. She didn't sleep well last night and no wonder why. It was hard to describe the feeling she had inside but sure it wasn't a good one. But she knew that day was the day when the world learns about her pregnancy. Well, if not the world then Tree Hill at least. And Lucas. She tried clothes in the front of the mirror and chose a skin-tight cardigan so she didn't have to use a lot of words. She wasn't very good with words.

"You are making it harder. Don't be afraid, okay. Just tell him. You're not together anymore so nothing awful can happen." Rachel tried again and this time Brooke felt like that was it – that was the time to tell him. She walked out of the room. "Hey! Where are you going?" 

"To Lucas' place. I have to tell him before others find out." She turned around to respond to Rachel and then turned back and left. She drove until she saw the familiar house and stopped her car. She sat there and took a deep breath before going out. She sat there for almost five minutes before she was ready to do that. After stepping out of her car she walked closer to the house but stopped then and looked at the door that used to be red before. When she lived there. It was only for a few months but still it was precious time. Lucas gave her a place to stay when she really needed it. He held onto her when she wasn't ready to leave. So that place still felt like home to her. She felt butterflies tickling in her stomach as she moved closer to the door and she felt like throwing up when she knocked on the door. Soon Lucas opened the door.

"Hey Brooke! What's up?" He said but Brooke didn't answer. She just looked at him for a slight moment and turned her look away. She felt how he scanned her with eyes and she knew that the question was coming.

"Brooke. Are you … pregnant?" He asked quietly trying to catch Brooke's eyes but she just couldn't look at him. She looked down and nodded.

"Is it mine?" He asked again and she still just nodded. She felt how he started breathing differently, like he was devastated. She knew it would be like that but she didn't know that would hurt so badly. She didn't expect anything more but still felt huge disappointment. Realizing that Lucas won't say anything, she finally raised her head.

"I'm sorry Luke." She said on her raspiest voice and tears were falling down from her eyes. "I know I should have told you before but I don't want you to sacrifice your life for our kids. I can do it on my own."

"Kids? Are there more than one?"

"Yeah. I'm having twins, a boy and a girl." She smiled for the first time during the pregnancy because this time she felt happy for herself. But she knew Lucas wasn't as happy.

"I don't know what to say, Brooke."

"You don't have to say anything. I promise I will be okay on my own." She hurt herself by saying those things. She was the only one to know how much she still loved Lucas. And she always will love him, there's no doubt. But she let him go and let him be happy with Peyton and she promised to herself she won't take that away from him.

"You don't have to do it alone. I'm here if you need anything. I promise."

"Maybe I'll need a friend to talk to but nothing more, alright. I don't want this to come between you and Peyton. I want you guys to be happy." She wanted him to be with her all the time. In her dreams they were a picture perfect family, living in a beautiful house with a huge garden where they loved to hang out together. But that was only a dream. At least a beautiful one. Yet it wasn't meant to come true. 

"Don't worry about us. But those are my babies too, Brooke. I want to be there for you and for them too. Don't cut me out, okay?" His words hurt her so much. She wanted to cut him out so badly, only because she didn't want to hurt herself any longer. She saw clearly disappointment and desperation in his eyes and she knew he wasn't okay with that. But if he wanted to lie that he's fine, then she let him lie. 

"I won't." She whispered and cried even more than before.

"Come here." Lucas said and pulled her to his embrace. "We'll do great."

Why did he have to say we? That hurt her more and more that she couldn't have him. But she knew she's strong and can do it without him too.

"Can I go to school with you?" He asked when he pulled her away again. She nodded to her and they both went to the car. Before driving away, Brooke dried her tears and smiled to Lucas who smiled back. They drove to the school and after that they were like strangers again.

_When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

Later at the lunch time Brooke and Rachel sat outside the school and talked about Brooke's morning at Lucas' place. She didn't really want to talk about it but Rachel was her friend and she wanted to know.

"And what did he say? I guess something lyrical. He's good with words you know." Rachel teased her but probably not for irritating her but for making her mood better.

"Rachel! Don't make me want to shoot you! He didn't say anything important. And I don't want to talk about it anyway." She growled at Rachel and suddenly saw her standing up. "Where are you going?"

"I think there's someone you need to talk to. Like you backstabbing ex BFF. See you later." She pointed to Peyton who was approaching them and walked away. Brooke turned around and acted like she didn't see Peyton coming. When she sat down next to her, she still pretended to read her magazine. 

"So, those rumors are true then. Brooke Davis really is pregnant." Peyton said on confusing voice. Brooke didn't get if she was teasing her or not.

"What do you want Peyton?" She growled at her. She really didn't want to talk to her.

"I just wanted to talk to you about it."

"You don't have to worry." She looked at Peyton for the first time. "Your relationship is safe. I told him to stay away. I hope you're happy now."

"That's not what I want Brooke. I want you to be okay. For me it doesn't matter that we are fighting. I still want you to be fine and happy." She smiled to Brooke for the first time during their fight. That melted her heart. That wide smile she had had next to her for ten years and now she missed it. She really did. She wanted to hug her, she wanted it with all of her heart but her head were sending her mixed signals. She had always been her best friend. Despite everything she still was and had a very special place in her heart. Maybe even more special place than Lucas had. Now she finally came to her senses. She had been blind all the time and fought for all the wrong things. She looked at Peyton and finally saw that familiar longing there and she understood why it was there. She had always understood her, it's like their hearts were the same. But still feelings inside her were confusing. Sadness, a bit of anger, happiness mixed together and it all made together a great dose of longing, the very same longing that she saw in Peyton's eyes. But she knew it wasn't the time for reconciliation. 

"Thanks." She finally whispered back to her and stood up to walk away. She looked back later and saw Peyton smiling on her own. At that moment she was wondering if she knew what she was thinking. At least she hoped so.

That night was the big night for everyone in Tree Hill, probably the biggest for some of them. That was the night of the state championship final game and Tree Hill Ravens were ready to get the trophy. Brooke was also going with the others because she didn't want to miss this, the highlight of their team. She walked onto the gym with cheerleaders but couldn't stay with them. When she was walking to her seat, suddenly someone called her name. 

"Hey Brooke." Whitey called her.

"Yes, coach?" She turned around and answered.

"How are you doing?" He asked her and walked closer. He seemed to be so genuine and warm, he made her feel good.

"Better. Thanks for asking."

"Good to hear. You know, I think you should sit here with the team. You are a part of us." He offered and Brooke felt like she was crying. It was so good to feel other's caring. 

"Thank you, coach." She said cheerfully and hugged Whitey. After sitting down to the bench where the team sat she looked around. All she saw was excitement and hope in people's eyes. She watched how boys did their warm-up, how the crowd gathered to the gym, how the cheerleaders stretched. She had thought that it makes her feel sad but it didn't. She forgot everything and joined with the roaring crowd when teams ran to the court, each one of them full of energy and self-assurance. During the game the crowd perked even more and cheered for their teams. And when the final shot was done, the referee had whistled scoreboard showed those magical numbers that clearly said – Tree Hill Ravens had won the state championship. Brooke jumped up from the bench and joined the cheerleaders who were roaring and jumping around the players. Suddenly Haley and Peyton pranced to her and hugged her. They all shared a good laugh together before Lucas came to them. Peyton and Haley left, seemed like Peyton had nothing against Lucas being with her, she only smiled to them and walked away. Lucas stepped closer to her and she managed a huge grin to her face. He pulled her to his embrace.

"I'm happy that our baby is here at this moment." He whispered to her ear and made her giggle a bit. She held him little closer and then let him go again. She looked how he left with a smile to go to Peyton. They kissed, hugged and smiled. She stopped staring them and looked around. Still everything she saw were couples cuddling and they all were so happy but she found Rachel next to her once again and put her head to her shoulder. It wasn't the love she wanted but it still felt good. At least she wasn't alone. She was able to share the feeling and the moment with others.

Later when they were back at Tree Hill, everyone gathered to Karen's café to celebrate the big win. Girls and boys all sat together, they shared laughter and happiness. She just kept gazing Peyton from time to time. And she looked at her too. It was too obvious that she wanted to talk to her more than anything; she wanted her back to her life, even more than she wanted Lucas. After awhile Haley and Nathan had totally disappeared without anyone noticing it but suddenly everyone heard a crash outside and Nathan screaming. Since Brooke and Lucas were the ones closest to the door, they ran out and found Haley lying on the cold asphalt and Nathan calling the ambulance who arrived soon. Then she ran to Nathan to ask what happened but Lucas went to Haley. Suddenly he started collapsing and fell down to the ground. She ran to him, Nathan following her. 

"Luke! Luke! Wake up please." She shook Lucas' unconscious body but it didn't wake up. "Please Luke. We need you."

"Somebody help him too!" Nathan yelled to the paramedics and they put him to the ambulance. By that time Peyton had ran out.

"What happened? Where are you taking him?" She cried and tried to stop the paramedics but Brooke held her back. 

"He'll be okay, Peyton. He'll be okay." She tried to calm her down when the ambulance drove away. Peyton broke down to tears and she pulled her to her embrace. She knew she needed her best friend more than ever. They both needed each other when the boy they both loved was fighting for his life.

_Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight_


	8. Fear

Fear

Firstly, I'm so sorry for not updating. It's really crazy right now and everything's just growing over my head. I have three weeks left of this school year and I have the last tests and exams. Because of that I have like no free time at all. But I did my best to finish this chapter and start writing a new one. I hope you understand. xoxo

**Fear**

_If I should lose you  
the stars would fall from the skies_

Brooke drove to the hospital with Peyton after they cried together for awhile in the front of the cafe. Without noticing it, they had become the friends they were before. During the ride to the hospital she looked at Peyton and her teary eyes like a million times. She looked at her and saw such pain and fear like she felt herself. At that night they understood each other again, they didn't even need any words to do it. But still she felt like there was a distance between them, a thin wall of ice that kept them apart. She knew that ice needed to melt. Now she only needed Peyton to know that too. She also knew that this ice could melt later because there were more important things to worry about.

It was almost five o'clock in the morning when she sat in the hospital waiting room. Peyton was napping with her head on Brooke's lap. She softly stroked her blonde hair and thought about the old days when being like that was usual. She couldn't sleep but forced Peyton to get some sleep that she really needed. She actually needed a good rest too, at least her babies needed but she couldn't get thought of losing Haley or Lucas out of her mind. Her heart was just about to break. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw herself on the funeral, holding her babies and crying. In that dream she was alone. After opening her eyes she always cried, tears just kept coming. She tried to hold back sobs so she didn't wake Peyton. She just stroked her blonde hair again and watched her smiling lightly through her sleep. She looked just like a sleeping beauty from the fairytale. That was one of their favorite tales that they read when they were little kids. They always dreamed about being princesses from those tales and waited for the prince on a white horse to come and get them away from this cruel grown-up's world. Who would have known that the prince for both of them is the same boy – Lucas Eugene Scott? Neither of them knew that love would be so harsh on them. With those thoughts she fell asleep. They both were wakened up by Nathan in the morning.

"Brooke, Peyton." He said and shook Brooke's arm. She startled so much that Peyton almost fell down from her lap. But she managed to hold on to the chair and pull herself up.

"Is there any news?" Peyton asked as she sat down next to Brooke. They quickly changed a nervous peek.

"I was about to ask you the very same question. You've been here all night, I just came." He answered and sat down to the other side of Brooke.

"If there were any changes they would have told us, I guess." She shrugged her shoulders and looked at Peyton hoping to get some help.

"Yeah, they would have _definitely_ told us." Peyton agreed. Then the doctor walked up to them and they all stood up.

"You are Haley Scott's and Lucas Scott's friends, right?" The doctor asked and they all nodded. "Their condition is stable and you can visit them. But one person in time."

"You guys go, I'll wait here." She said to Peyton and Nathan. She knew they both wanted to go and those were their lovers. Of course she wanted go but she could wait too.

"Doctor. Please let us two go to see Lucas together. I'm not that strong person and I need her with me. Please." Peyton begged the doctor with the tears in her eyes until he nodded. Brooke smiled to her.

_With you beside me  
No wind in winter would blow_

Brooke and Peyton walked to Lucas' room, side by side, holding hands. She opened the door for Peyton and followed her as she stepped in.

"You know, I never wanted it to be this way." Peyton suddenly said when they stood next to Lucas' unconscious body.

"I know." She answered quietly. She really knew it. She had known Peyton for ten years now and she's not that kind of girl. But you never know when love hits you so hard that you can't let go of it anymore. She knew that feeling and she understood Peyton more than anyone else but she felt more independent. She was ready to let go because she had her babies but Peyton had no one else but Lucas. She tried to do her best and be as understanding as possible, although it was really hard. With a slight movement she took Peyton's hand and looked at her. "It's partly my fault too. I mean _I_ went for Lucas, which was my own choice. I knew he's just like other guys, I knew he will hurt me but I didn't care. I don't even know why."

"Because you love him, Brooke. And don't deny it, I know you do. It just hurts like hell to love the same guy." Peyton's eyes filled with eyes as she spoke and soon these tears ran down from her cheeks.

"But he loves you. And it's okay. It really is. Just don't cry, okay? A beautiful girl like you shouldn't cry." She put her hand to Peyton's face and wiped away the tears. "I leave you alone with him now." She said and after Peyton's nod she walked out of the door. She found Karen and Deb sitting in the waiting room and joined them until Nathan came out of Haley's room. She stood up and walked to him.

"How is she?"

"Still the same. You can go see her if you want to." Nathan said and she answered with a small nod. She passed him and walked into the huge white room where a bed that Haley's unconscious body lied was. She sat down next to her friend and took her hand.

"Hey tutor girl. I don't know if you can hear me but I want you to know that I'm here if you need me, like you were there for me." She swallowed and continued a bit later "I miss you already, you know. I want you to open your eyes, smile and tell me that everything's going to be alright. Right now I need that the most. I need you, buddy. Get well soon, okay." Tears appeared in her eyes and she flinched when Karen stepped into the room.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to interfere you." She said quietly when she moved towards Brooke.

"It's okay. Seeing her like that just makes me sad. She's like the only person who has been there for me and helped me through everything; I don't want to lose her. Who would help me then?"

"I understand you. I've been there you know."

"Lucas told you?"

"No, Haley told me before him. Don't be mad at her, she just needed to talk about it to someone. Yes, I was shocked at first but believe me when I say that I have nothing against you and I wish all the best to you. I'm sure you're going to be an amazing mother to my grandchildren." Karen took her hands and looked into her eyes that were wet and tears were pouring from them.

"But I'm scared. Like really scared. What if I'm a bad mother and my kids don't love me? I'm afraid I won't make it."

"You're a strong woman Brooke Davis. You'll do great." Karen told encouraging words and pulled her to her embrace. Brooke dried her tears and smiled again. Those words were really important to her and she felt stronger again.

_With you beside me  
A rose would bloom in the snow_

After the conversation with Karen she went back to home and found Rachel alone at home. She lounged on the couch and watched TV – Brooke had never seen her doing that. So she walked into the living room and looked at Rachel surprised.

"Okay. Who are you and where did you put my friend Rachel? You look horribly identical though." She teased and sat down next to her.

"Ha-ha, funny." Rachel answered sarcastically. "I'm bored to death."

"Have you ever watched TV before?"

"Shut up! How's Lucas?"

"Bad. Haley too. And Peyton."

"Peyton? Wow. Since when are you having a come back with your back stabbing ex BFF?"

"She has nobody you know. I had to be there for her."

"You should be given a medal or something."

"Rachel. It's not the time for being mean." She looked at Rachel seriously and saw smile fading away from her face.

"Whatever you say." She mumbled blandly and directed her look to TV again. Brooke stood up and walked out of the room and the house. After awhile she found herself from the river court, looking around with memories flashing on her mind. Suddenly she saw Mouth at the other side of the court, looking around dreamingly.

"Hey buddy." She said when she stepped closer to her. She couldn't be happier to see Mouth at that moment.

"Hey." He answered quietly, now looking at Brooke.

"What are you doing here alone?"

"I just came here to remind myself what it was like before everything changed, you know. How Luke, Skills, Junk and Fergie played basketball here and Jimmy and I "broadcasted" the game. Everything was so easy and fun. I miss that time a lot. And I miss Luke. I hope he'll be fine."

"Yeah. We first met here too. Remember?"

"Of course. That was one of the best days of my life."

"Aww, Mouth. I'm so glad I have a friend like you." She looked at Mouth and smiled. That feeling that Mouth make her feel was one of the greatest in the world. The feeling that you are important to someone, that you have friend who appreciates your love and friendship and doesn't take it for granted.

"Me too. And I want you to know that I'll always be there for you. I know you have rough time right now."

"Yes, it is hard for me but I think I'll be just fine. That doesn't kill me, makes me stronger." She winked and managed a little smile again.

"I'm sure that you'll do fine. Luke is a great guy; he won't leave you alone with this."

"I actually told him that I'm doing this alone and he doesn't have to be with me. He's so happy with Peyton and it would be a crime to take it away from them. They both deserve to be happy."

"And you don't?"

"I _am_ happy, Mouth. I have two beautiful babies growing inside of me. Firstly I thought it's really bad and I'm scared a lot but I'm giving life to two people and it's a fantastic feeling."

"Do you really think that you can sacrifice your happiness for Luke and Peyton's? I know you love him, don't deny it."

"Okay, I _do_ love him and I miss him a lot but from now on I'm trying to get over him as much as possible. I want him to be happy." She smiled sadly and looked away. The more she said it, the easier it was. She was having hard time with letting go but she still tried. She'll probably always love Lucas but she was ready to burry her feelings and find new things and people to love. She looked back to Mouth and smiled again, happily this time. Then her cell phone rang; it was Peyton. She answered the phone.

"_Brooke. You have to come to the hospital quickly."_Peyton's low voice cried.

"What's wrong Peyton? What happened?"

"_It's bad. Very bad. Please come here."_

"Okay. I'll be right there. Just calm down, okay." She answered and put away her phone. She looked at Mouth who waited for information.

"Something is wrong. I got to go to the hospital."

"I'm coming with you." He said and they both left the court without knowing what was wrong. It could have been Lucas. It could have been Haley. They didn't know and that was the worst part.

_If I should lose you  
The leaves would wither and die_


	9. Desperation

Desperation

It's a really short chapter. Sorry. I just don't have time like usually. And I wanted to say that if you guys have any good ideas for my fic then tell me about them. :)

**Desperation**

_if we can't see now, _

_we might never see  
we only kill ourselves more slowly_

Long hall with blank white walls like crushed her heart and soul when she stood in the middle of it with Peyton who told her what happened.

„He had a heart attack Brooke." Peyton cried hysterically and she just grabbed her to her embrace and cried with her. Mouth stood next to them, tears in his eyes. None of them wanted to say anything. There wasn't anything to say either. She pulled Peyton out of her embrace, took her hand and walked towards the waiting room where were Karen, Deb, Nathan, Skills, Bevin, Junk, Fergie and surprisingly Dan. Mouth followed them and joined the river court guys. Brooke walked to Karen and hugged her. She used her shoulder for crying, for relieving her broken heart. Then Deb stepped to them.

"You two should sit and try to calm down. Being nervous isn't good for your pregnancy." She said quietly and they all sat down and soon Peyton found a place next to Brooke. She took her hand and shyly looked at her. She felt pain in her hand because Peyton was squeezing it hardly.

"Are you sure you don't want to go home and get some rest?" Peyton asked her quietly with her voice shaking a little. "I can call you if anything changes."

"No, I'm fine." She answered briefly. She couldn't look at Peyton or talk to her like she did before. A few hours before everything felt different – she was ready to forget about Lucas, start again with Peyton, raise her children alone and begin a new life, turn a new sheet. But now it wasn't the same anymore. Thoughts of losing Lucas made her realize that she'll never forget him. All of a sudden she started missing him, his closeness. She wanted to feel his fingertips on her skin and his lips on hers. Just a plain image of Peyton and Lucas together made her sick. More than anything she wanted to punch Peyton for taking Lucas away from her. She wanted to tell the world how much she needs him but she couldn't. Just couldn't. Her mouth stayed shut. She looked around the room and rested her head to her hands. Her world started spinning around and she couldn't breathe. There was no air and she felt so tight in this large room. She started sobbing and tears ran down her face. "I need to get out of here." She suddenly said and ran out without looking back if someone follows her or not. When she left the building, she started breathing deeply and hardly. She looked around wondering how many hours had passed. She had lost the track of time. Sun was already setting and she had now idea what was the time then. Soon someone's footsteps approached her. She turned around and saw Karen standing behind her.

"Brooke. I think you have to see doctor. Just in case, you know." Her soft voice said quietly. She took her hand and pulled her with her.

_the words that fall from your mouth  
they crystalize and break on the ground_

"You should stay here so we could keep our eye on you. You've been through a lot and it may cause complications." Doctor spoke to her when she sat on a bed in a hospital room.

"But I don't feel bad or anything."

"You don't have to. Just give yourself some rest and everything will be fine." He was ready to leave room when she stopped him.

"But doctor. Could you find out if Lucas Scott is out of his surgery? I would like to see him for a second." She begged. Her voice was raspier and she had a clot in her throat. Doctor smiled to her friendly, nodded and then left the room.

Soon she entered a room where Lucas lied with all those hoses and machines fastened to his body. She walked closer to him and couldn't hold back tears. She took his hand and squeezed it.

"I hope you can feel it. I really do. Because I need you to know that I'm here. I never left you. I just couldn't do that, you know. You have filled the void in my life and helped me through everything. You've made me a better person. I'm really more independent now. And even my designs got accepted to Victoria's Secret. You're the first one to know. And because of that I may be leaving Tree Hill before graduating. And I have no idea if I see you before that but I wanted to tell you that I'm going to miss you." She sobbed and tried tears from her cheeks. "I love you, Lucas Scott. I always will." She bent over him and kissed his lips. Despite the temptation to stay, she walked away, looking back several times before leaving the room.

She walked into another room where Haley lied. She had woken up and she wanted to see her so bad.

"Hey tutor girl." She said when she walked closer to the bed. Haley smiled to her.

"Hey tigger. It's good to see you."

"You too. You can't even imagine how much I've missed you."

"Why are you wearing hospital clothes? Is everything okay?" Haley got all worried when she saw her clothes.

"They wanted me to stay here because I've been through a lot and it may affect my children."

"Oh god, I feel so bad for putting you through this."

"Like it's your fault. But I'm fine. I just got some news that I have to tell you about."

"Go ahead. I can't wait to hear."

"My designs got accepted to Victoria's Secret." She explained but not very enthusiastically.

"Wow Brooke. That's great!"

"Yes but there's another thing. I may have to move away before graduation."

"What? Where?"

"At first to L.A. with my mom I guess."

"L.A.? That's like so far away!"

"I know! I just don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I can do it without you."

"Brooke. You can do anything if you only believe in yourself. And I know you do. You just have to go there and show them who you are and what you can do. And at the same time you have to keep in touch."

"You make me cry." She started sobbing again but this time showed a smile.

"Don't cry. You're going to be fine." Haley took her hand and squeezed it a little. They both smiled and shared a very emotional moment when Karen stepped to the room.

"Luke woke up!" She cried out and smiled through the tears. She disappeared again. Haley smiled joyously. She couldn't believe it. It made her worry. What if he heard what she said? That was the last thing she wanted.

_if you can't find love, _

_then you will finally see  
how we kill ourselves slowly_

She was back at her room, lying quietly on the bed alone. It was almost midnight then and she just couldn't sleep. Her mother had left her a message that she booked a plane tickets for her – she'll be leaving in three weeks. She had three weeks left in Tree Hill. Only three weeks to clear things up with Peyton and Lucas because she may never see them again. She also had only seven weeks until her babies' birth and she felt that she wasn't ready at all. She turned off the light and closed her eyes to wait until she fell asleep.

In the morning she got out of the hospital. At the hospital she ignored everyone; she wasn't in mood for seeing anyone. Of course at home she had to be with Rachel but that was okay because she missed her a lot.

"So you're finally back, old shrew. That house got pretty empty without you." Rachel greeted her as usually.

"Good to see you too, slut." She answered with the same. It was totally usual conversation between them and she was okay with that. That made their relationship special, at least for her.

"So how are things going with that smart ass tutor chick and Lucas?" Rachel asked when they lied on their beds like they used to before.

"That smart ass tutor chick is Haley as you know. She is fine."

"But Lucas?"

"He is awake now. He survived a heart attack. That's all I know."

"You haven't talked to him?"

"No. Do I have to?"

"I just thought that you care about your children's father."

"I care about him. It just … hard."

"I know. Caring about someone is harder than I thought."

"Rachel?"

"What?"

"Have you met someone?" She asked and got up from the bed, all excited.

"Maybe."

"That's awesome!"

"Yeah. I finally left Cooper behind and it feels good. You should do the same."

"It's not that easy."

"It's easier than you think. Let your heart be free and find love again. I know you are able to do that."

"I don't think so. I think I'll be alone from now on."

"You want to die alone?"

"I'm not alone. I have my children."

"Whatever you say."

Then Brooke's cell phone rang. It was Peyton's number and she felt some kind of disgust and hater inside. She didn't know whether answer or not. She just kept staring at the phone with concerned look.

""Who is it?" Rachel finally asked.

"Peyton." She answered without taking her look away from the phone.

"Give it to me." Rachel said and grabbed the phone away from her. She answered it. "Hello. No, it's Rachel. Brooke is taking a shower now, she can't come. She's fine. Yeah. Tell Lucas she will come to see him soon. Bye." She ended the call and gave phone back to Brooke.

"What did she want?"

"She asked how you were doing and said that Lucas wants to see you."

She couldn't help but smile after hearing that Lucas wants to see her. She was so happy for a moment that she totally forgot about everything else. Soon she dropped down from her cloud. She didn't want to go there. Of course she would have loved to go there if it was just her and Lucas there so she could tell him how much she actually needs him. But that was just a dream.

"Why did you have to tell her that I will go there?" She turned all huffy when she asked Rachel.

"What? You are going there, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not. I don't want to go there. I'll wait until he gets out of the hospital." She said and ran out of the room. She was just so upset and she didn't even know why. After leaving the house she sat down to the stairs in front of the house and just let herself cry again. She was so mad at herself. Why did she have to let Lucas go? She could have fought for him! But she didn't. She knew that she couldn't have anything she wanted anyway but what about having what she needed more than anything else in the world?

_and everything you want, _

_you can't have  
but you force yourself to look away_


	10. Receding

Wow, I haven't updated for a very long time. I'm really sorry. I've been really busy but I'll try to keep updating.

**Receding**

_I'm hanging __on another day  
Just to see what you will throw my way_

_And I'm hanging on__ to the words you say_

After a few days Lucas and Haley got out of the hospital and Brooke continued with her everyday life. Or at least tried to. She went to school like everyone else but she counted the days to her leaving. There were 19 days left and she had too much to do. She had thought a lot about how to act with Peyton and Lucas and she hadn't figured it out. Of course she wanted things to get back to normal but it wasn't obviously an option anymore. She didn't even know if they wanted to make everything okay. She screwed things up a little. She didn't go to the hospital when they wanted and didn't even answer their calls. But she had her reason. She only hoped that they would understand.

At the school she had a lot of things to do. The most important – she had to organize their prom. She didn't want to but she had to. She didn't even have a date to go with. She ran around in the school and finally felt relieved when she had time to sit down with Haley and Nathan outside the school.

"It's driving me crazy!" She growled when she sat down on the bench and took out her notebook.

"What's wrong?" Haley asked and put away her books.

"I hate that freaking prom. Nothing's going as planned!"

"Maybe you should let someone else do it."

"No, Haley. I'm the student council president and I can't give my assignments to others." She really loved Haley for caring her because seemed like no one else did but she knew she had to do it by herself. It was her last thing to do in Tree Hill High.

"Are you sure? I mean there are lots of people who would like to help you, including me."

"It's really sweet of you but I think you have to think about your broken foot and rest as much as you can."

"Okay girls. I'll leave you alone now." Nathan said as he put his books to the bag and stood up. He gave Haley a kiss and walked away. At the same time Brooke noticed Peyton and Lucas walking out of the school. They sat down beside a table as she kept staring at them.

"Still uncomfortable?" Haley suddenly asked and Brooke looked back at her.

"I don't know. I just really don't want to be with them and seems like I'm tearing you away from them."

"No you're not. I give them their space that they need to build up their relationship. They need some time alone, you know."

"Yeah."

"I'm going to talk to them now. Are you coming with me?" Haley stood up and put her things to bag.

"No. I have some things to do." She answered quietly and waved to Haley as she walked away. And again she was alone. She sat there alone like for five minutes when someone sat next to her. It was a male. Blonde. Lucas. She didn't even see him coming! She kept ignoring him.

"Are you busy?" He asked and tired to look what Brooke did. She raised her head looked around to see if Peyton was spying on them but she didn't see her anywhere.

"Yes." She answered and stayed focused on her notebook.

"I just wanted to talk to you. We have things to discuss."

"Oh, now you can talk to me when Peyton's out of sight. That's so you, Lucas Scott." She huffed and finally looked at him. He was so different. He glowed and had those little sparkles in his eyes. Without a doubt he was happy and that devastated her because deep inside she hoped that Peyton won't make him happy so she could do it. But that hope was now gone forever.

"Brooke. Don't do this, okay? Even Peyton knows we need to talk. She told me you promised to come to see me when I was in hospital."

"I didn't promise anything. That was Rachel. I was there when you weren't awake. I'm sorry that I didn't come but I just didn't want to see you." Now she finally got to say what she wanted to say. It was such a relief. For the first time she had told Lucas that she didn't want to see him. That was the first step to pushing Lucas far away from her.

"You didn't want to see me?"

"Yes. Does hearing that hurts your ego much?"

"No but I think you are trying to avoid a subject that's more important." He said and he almost broke her protective husk. How can he be able to get inside her so quickly and easily? He broke her down.

"I don't think there's anything I need to discuss with you." She tried to protect herself as much as possible. She knew that he won't let her leave just like that.

"Please don't do that, Brooke. You know we can be friends and have normal conversations. And I need you to tell me about your plans to move away."

"Like you care." She was bleeding inside. Again. She actually thought that she could forget how that felt like. She didn't get why he always had to be near her.

"If I ask you, then I care, okay? And you are also carrying my babies. You can't just cut me off."

"I can if I want to, Luke. But the thing is my designs got accepted to Victoria's Secret and it's a great opportunity for me to get into the fashion world." She explained and looked into Lucas' eyes. She felt like he was happy for her but probably he knew the moving part too. So she couldn't say if he was happy about that too or not.

"Wow. That great, isn't it?" He said.

"Yeah it is. But I guess you know that I have to move away to L.A. so I could use my mom's help."

"I know. That's the sad part. But hey, it's a too good opportunity to turn down. And you can always come back to Tree Hill."

"No. I'm pretty sure that it will be goodbye forever." She swallowed hard. She felt weak and she had hard time keeping away the tears. Once again she looked at Lucas. "I'm not coming back, Luke. I have no future here."

"Oh," He responded quietly, like he didn't have anything to say. "So. You are leaving forever and taking my kids with you?" He finally pulled himself together.

"Yes. Of course they can come to visit and you can visit them. I won't cut you out completely. I can promise you that." She said, hoping that he will say something about her leaving. But he only cared about the babies and it made her hurt anymore.

"I don't know how you can do this to me. Remember when we had a pregnancy scare last year? I was so scared and I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure about my feelings back then. But then we started to grow and I realized how much I loved you and I imagined us being married and having a lots of children. I had this image in my mind for a long time. I'm terribly sorry that things are going the way they do right now."

"Oh, please. Don't do this, okay?" She interrupted him because she couldn't hear anymore of that. Like he hadn't hurt her enough.

"Do what?"

"Give me that speech about how you've always loved me and blah-blah. I don't need it because I already know the truth. You've always loved Peyton and you always will. I don't need that pity speech and fake feelings. Just leave me alone from now on." She stood up and walked away from him. And he had done it again. He got into her heart and she couldn't get him out. She needed to cut it off so she'd have enough strength to leave and never come back, to say goodbye to him.

_A__nd I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
that are looking for purpose  
they're still looking for life_

Later after school Brooke went to Haley's place to get her mind off of the prom and everything else. They sat on the couch together, like they usually did when they lived together, and drank lemonade.

"So, tutor girl. What are you going to miss most about me?" She questioned her enthusiastically.

"Umm. I don't know actually." Haley responded hesitantly but teasingly.

"C'mon. There must be something." She begged and begged. She really wanted to know what she had given to people she loves.

"Well, mostly I'm going to miss _you_. But I guess I'll miss how bubbly you are and how you always come here and lighten up my day. You've been great friend, Brooke. I never believed that we could become so close but we did and I sometimes even wish we'd still live together. You couldn't even imagine how much I'm going to miss you when you are on the other side of the country. But it's an opportunity of a lifetime so you have to go. It's your time to make great things, change the world. I know you can do this. You are Brooke Davis after all. And you are my friend. You'll always be. And I'm going to be so proud of you." She had tears in her eyes but she smiled.

"Oh, Haley. I'm going to miss you more than anyone or anything else." She pulled Haley to her embrace and they both sobbed. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, tigger."

"But we can't be so sad. We have to enjoy ourselves!" She suddenly said and pulled away from the hug. "Let's go out." She said and took Haley's hand. They went to the Karen's café and ordered the best cake and some juice.

"I love that place! I could sit here forever." She praised while chewing a piece of cake and she sound funny so Haley couldn't help but laugh. "What are you laughing at, huh?"

"You."

"Am I that funny?"

"No. You just make me laugh because you make me happy, hun."

"Aww, don't be so sentimental, Hales." They teased each other there and had a lot of fun. She hadn't felt so good for a long time. She knew that Haley was the real friend that she didn't want to lose. Suddenly someone walked into the café. She had no doubt that it was Peyton. She looked at them. Haley waved and she waved back. But she couldn't do anything more than look at her and manage a little smile, and then turn her face quickly. Peyton walked to the counter.

"Hey Karen. I need some of that cake that Luke likes. We are having dinner together but I'm not the best cook so I don't want to kill him with my terrible food." She said to Karen. She smiled and disappeared. She reappeared with a cake and handed it to Peyton.

"Here you go." Karen said. "Good to see you both so happy. I haven't seen him smiling like that for a long time." Peyton answered with a smile and she left. Brooke was so hit by the words she over heard.

"Are you okay?" Haley asked and took her hand. She looked at Haley and she teared up a bit.

"Things like that hurt me all the time. I can't help it." She really couldn't. No one but she knew how much she wanted to throw Lucas off her head and heart and many times she did it but he kept coming back over and over again.

"But why? I thought you were over him."

"Look Haley, I'm probably going to regret saying that later but … I can't get over him. I've truly loved him for past two years and now I'm not sure if he loved me too. It breaks my heart because he was my first true love and I don't know if there will be the second one."

"Of course he did. And I think that somehow he still does. I'm his best friend and I know those things."

"I wouldn't be so sure. But let's not talk about it anymore."

"As you wish. Actually I have to go to the tutoring centre. Are you leaving with me?"

"No, I'll stay for awhile. You go."

They hugged, kissed on cheeks and Haley walked out. She sat there alone, sipping her juice and thinking about everything she had thought about for last few days and these thoughts like wanted to kill her. She startled when Karen touched her shoulder.

"Is everything okay?" she asked and sat down beside the table. Brooke smiled to her.

"Yeah, I was just thinking." She tried her best to smile and seem like a happy girl.

"I know you're having some hard times. You can always come and talk to me. And remember that Luke also wants to be there for you."

"I know. I know. But I don't want to depend on you so much. I have to leave soon and I don't want to get used to it."

"I understand. But I'm just saying. Don't cut Luke out. He wants to be part of his babies' life and I also want to be a good grandma." She smiled sweetly and caressed Brooke's head. She found it surprising and sweet, she felt like she had some family around her.

"I thought you didn't like the idea of us having children in high school."

"Of course I was shocked and I'm still a little scared, even more scared when I know that you're leaving and that you have to be alone with two kids. But I still fully support you; I'll always be there if you need me." She looked deep into her eyes and when she saw tears there, she wrapped her arms around her. She felt so good again but she knew that after leaving Tree Hill she will be lonelier than ever before.

_The broken light on the freeway  
Left me here alone  
I may have lost my way now_


	11. Torture

**Torture**

_Sometimes tears say all there is to say  
Sometime your first scars won__'t ever fade away  
_

Days passed by and soon the prom came closer and Brooke got only more nervous every day. She couldn't care less about the prom; she didn't even want to go. She was more upset about leaving and the motherhood coming closer. She felt like her life wasn't in her hands anymore. She didn't have a date for the prom. Only thing she had was big baby pump and herself. Maybe she had Haley too but she was Lucas' best friend so she understood her being in a hopeless situation. Lately, she had started missing Peyton. That surprised her too but she couldn't help it – her life wasn't same without her. But there wasn't anything she could do to change that. She had to get used to being alone and trust only herself. She kind of hated it and really would love to invite Rachel to L.A. with her.

"How are you doing, mommy?" Rachel asked when she walked into their bedroom and interrupted Brooke's thoughts.

"Not so well as you may guess. I'm so fed up with everything."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic! The prom is coming and it's your last chance to party with all of us! I know you want that. You're Brooke Davis – life of the party."

"I was. Now I'm Brooke Davis, mother of two. People will talk about me behind my back all night and Leyton will also be there."

"Since when are you so miserable? I couldn't even recognize you anymore." She sat down next to her, putting her hand around her.

"I'm just thinking about leaving. I will be all alone in L.A. and that's going to suck hard."

"Think positive! You're going to have a kick-ass fashion line and you're going to meet new people, most of them are probably rich and famous. And I'm sure you're going to find some love there."

"I know all that but how can I even think about having new relationship when I can't get Luke out of my head? That would be a lot easier when I wasn't pregnant. They are Luke's children and that reminds me of him all the time."

"You're a tough woman, Brooke Davis. I know you can handle it."

"Right now I'm just a coward. I've been such a bitch to Peyton and Luke because I'm so bitter. I'm so jealous that I can't be happy for others until I'm happy. I feel like I'm the worst person in the whole world right now."

"Look. They both probably deserve your bitchiness but you still have time to make things right. Pull yourself together and talk to them. You're a good person and you can do it. You just have to find that girl inside you."

Brooke looked into her eyes and couldn't help but wonder how Rachel became such a great friend? She had tears in her eyes again. She had cried more than she had ever in her whole life and she didn't even remember how to just smile and be happy for once.

_Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes  
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk_

Prom was just few days away and she still didn't have a dress or a date. So she decided to buy herself a maternity dress to show everyone that she's proud of her children and also go alone. She knew she could handle it alone and she'll show that to others too. She was trying to figure out what to say to Peyton and Lucas. She didn't let herself leave without saying anything. She knew she wasn't like that. But she also knew that she wasn't good with words. Figuring out what to say was harder than expected. She had so many things going on in her head and heart but there were no words to express what she was feeling. Maybe she just wasn't ready to open herself up again. Last time she got hurt and since then she had been building walls around her. And just maybe it was the time to let the walls down. But she didn't know. And she hardly had any time to think. She planned on talking to Luke and Peyton at the prom but those few days she had left weren't enough to think about it. She had so many things to do and seemed like everything was going wrong.

"What is that?" Rachel asked when she walked into the room where the prom was supposed to be held. She looked around and couldn't stop staring at the decorations.

"What?" Brooke asked and turned to her. She could see from her face that she thought it was ridiculous.

"Don't you think it's a bit too much? I mean those weird things on the ceiling and feathers in flower bouquets. Seems a bit too weird to me."

"I hate those things on the ceiling. I don't even know what they are! This freaking decorator girl who knows nothing about it drives me crazy! Everything is getting on my nerves. I'd like to ship off to Bahamas right now. But I'd keep feathers. I love feathers."

"Calm down, Brookie Cookie. You've done a wonderful job and I'll tell that brainless decorator girl to piss of with her stupid decorations. So don't worry."

"Don't be too harsh on her, okay? She was helping me a lot after all."

"Since when are you so soft? I remember you differently."

"Don't start again, Rach." She rolled her eyes. "This mother thing has made me softer and more careful."

"Okay, okay. I'll go talk to her. I promise I'll be nice." She curtsied with a cute smile and walked away. She turned back to the table she was checking before and startled when she saw Haley standing in front of her. And she also noticed Lucas talking to Skills on the background.

"What are you doing here, tutor girl? You shouldn't be here right now!" She panicked because she wanted it to be a surprise to everyone.

"I came to check on you." Haley answered.

"And what are Luke and Skills doing here? They're going to ruin everything!"

"Don't worry. They are having some meeting with the team and they wanted to see how it looks."

"Oh, great. Then they're all going to be here!" She mumbled angrily and then turned to boys. "Would you please leave? I'm pretty sure there are other places to hold your stupid meeting! Thank you!" She hollered.

"Oh, angry Brooke! I like that!" Skills answered and laughed a bit.

"I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that." She growled as boys left and she turned to Haley again. "So. What do you think?"

"Honestly, I think everything's great but I feel weird about the ceiling decorations."

"I knew no one would like them. But don't worry. It's been taking care of."

"You've done a great job here. How are you feeling?"

"Slightly tired. And my legs are a bit sore. And I'm desperately in need of some chocolate. This pregnancy is driving me nuts."

"I guess it's all normal when you're pregnant. But I have something for you." She pulled out a pack of chocolate candies. "Here you are."

"You are my savior, Hales! Seriously. You made my day."

"I actually wanted to ask how you are feeling about leaving."

"I haven't have time to think about it lately. But if you ask I'll answer. I'm extremely sad. Firstly I thought it would be great to get away but now it feels so bad. I've tried to figure out what to say to everyone, especially Peyton. And Luke. I don't know what to say and thinking about it solely drains me emotionally."

"I'm sure that whatever you do, you'll do the right thing."

She was pleased to hear that someone still believed in her. She was used to believing in herself but lately she couldn't anymore. But it was good to have someone on her side at times like these.

_Tried to break my heart  
Well it's broken_

_Tried to hang me high  
Well I'm choked_

Finally it was the prom night. Brooke had bought herself nice red dress and was already there waiting for the students to arrive. She looked gorgeous with her brown locks resting on her shoulders. She saw Rachel arriving with some strange girls and she walked to Brooke right away.

"Hi, bitchy. Nice dress. Your boobs look huge in that." She made her comments and winked.

"Hello, queen slut. Your ass looks tiny in that non-existent whatsoever. And FYI, my boobs are supposed to look bigger. I'm pregnant. Remember?" She winked and felt good. She hadn't felt that way for a long time but now she knew – it was her life and she knew she could handle it, so she'll be happy.

"Yeah, I totally forgot. I thought you just gained some weight and look like a whale because of breaking up with Luke." Rachel continued to pick at her and she gave her a look. "Sorry, no L-word anymore."

"That's fine with me." She answered with a big grin on her face. She turned around and saw Haley approaching and smiled to her.

"Hey, Brooke. You look amazing! You're like … glowing." She admired Brooke and hugged her.

"Thank you, Haley; you look as gorgeous as always." She mumbled while being in her embrace. Then she pulled away and looked at her, smiling.

"What are you looking at, tigger?"

"You, my sweet tutor girl. I'm just starting to realize how important you are for me. It's crazy. I thought I'd never need someone that much. I'd like to pack you into my suitcase and take with me!"

"Oh, you are talking about your kidnapping plans too loudly. But I'd love to come with you so I wouldn't have to miss you."

"You know you're always going to be in my heart, right? I love you so so much. You're like the only one who believes in me."

"Well, I love you too, but I think there are some other people who love you and believe in you as much as I do." She pointed at Peyton who was standing near them alone. She was looking at them but turned her head away when they saw her.

"I think it's time to talk to her." She said and left Haley alone to walk to Peyton. She was listening to the band and didn't look very happy.

"Hey." She said quietly, her voice was raspier than usually. Peyton turned around and smiled lightly. It seemed like she was waiting for that moment.

"Hey. You look really beautiful." She said and admired Brooke's appearance.

"You too, P. I actually wanted to talk to you, since we haven't talked like forever."

"Yeah, I really miss that."

"Me too. I miss my best friend. I know things won't be like before but I've changed and I want to leave in peace. Before I go, I have to be sure that we have forgiven each other."

"You haven't done anything wrong."

"You haven't done anything wrong either. It's just life. Sometimes you can't change the way things are going. Of course I got hurt but I also got over it. And about my babies you don't have to worry, I'm not going to force Luke into it."

"No, Brooke. I want Luke to be a part of it. He deserves it. And I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to do it but I can't change the way I feel. And my feelings for _you_ are the strongest ones. Oh god, I'm going to tear up now."

"Don't cry, P. Sawyer. We have to be happy tonight."

"You couldn't even imagine how much I've missed you. You are like the best thing besides Lucas that has ever happened to me. Because no matter what I know that you will always be there, even if the whole world isn't and I love you for that."

"So we are back on track?"

"Of course. You're my best friend and you'll always be."

"I love you, buddy. And I'm going to miss you so much." She pulled Peyton in for a hug and tears started to fall from her eyes. But those tears were the tears of happiness. She had wanted it for such a long time and now it's there. She got her best friend back.

"I'm going to miss you even more. And you are going to be a great mother."

"Thank you. It's so good to hear those words from you. Go and dance with your boyfriend now!" She sent her away with a huge grin on her face. She felt such relief and happiness that she just wanted to share with everyone. She watched as Peyton went to Lucas and he wrapped his arms around her to push her closer. She wanted to be there instead of Peyton but she was happy for them. Now she felt that she was ready to put past behind and move on. She looked at them and Lucas gave her a look over Peyton's shoulder. He smiled and she smiled back to him. There was peace and indulgence. Her new life began there and she was ready to leave, for good.

_It's the end  
End where I begin_


	12. Leaving

**Leaving**

_Bright sky turning round_

_Black rain falling down_

Finally that day arrived. She had packed everything she had and she was ready to go. She stood by the window and watched the rain fall. A week ago this would have described her situation perfectly – tears and more tears. But she didn't want to cry anymore. There was weird calmness inside her. Even though she had never liked rain, she was now enjoying it. Maybe it was good to see that the sky was crying and she wasn't.

"Hey! Are you ready to get going?" Rachel yelled from the kitchen. She walked away from the window and started thinking.

"No! I think I have to stop by Haley's place."

"What? You said your goodbyes yesterday."

"Is it really that hard? It will only take a minute, I promise."

"Well, okay then. But come on now! We have to go."

Brooke took her huge suitcase and walked to the door. She turned around to take a look at her home once again. She never thought she would feel so good here. She still missed her old house but this place had become her home.

"Brooke! We're going to be late!" Rachel yelled again and Brooke left the house. She sat in the car with Rachel and looked back at the house.

"I love this place. I loved living here with you."

"Oh, don't start with that again. I'm not going to cry anyway."

"I know that, you cold hearted bitch"

"I love you too, Brookie!"

She smiled at Rachel and her heart just ached. She was already missing Rachel.

_Sad storm can't escape_

_Black clouds circling_

They pulled up in front of Haley and Nathan's place. She promised to do quickly and ran out to the rain. She was about to knock on the door when she heard someone calling her name.

"Hey, Brooke!" A soft manly voice next to her called. She turned and saw Lucas approaching. Even though she thought she was over him, her heart still skipped a beat. Suddenly, all the calm inside her was gone and she just wanted to burst into tears. But she couldn't. She had to be strong, especially in front of Lucas.

"Hey you too, Luke!" She answered with a fake smile. He was now standing so close that she could smell his perfume. She used to love that smell more than anything else, it drove her crazy.

"Are you leaving already? You didn't even say goodbye"

"Oh, I'm in hurry," she looked down nervously, "I just had to pick up some things from here". She was lying once again. She had no intention to talk to Lucas before leaving. She only called Peyton and met Haley. She needed to get away without getting sad again. But now it was too late. All those feelings were still there and reminded of themselves.

"I'm glad I met you here then," he answered probably without realizing that was a lie. "I really wanted to wish you good luck. It's your dream coming true. You're going to have everything you wished for."

Not everything, she thought. He was the missing piece of the puzzle. She would have given anything to tell him that and run away together. But she knew it was never going to happen.

"Thank you, Luke. I hope everything goes well for you too."

"I guess this is goodbye. But not forever, right?"

"We'll see. I'm probably going to be really busy with everything. But you are welcome to visit us anytime."

"I will do that"

He will visit her. He will come to her and they will see each other again. These thoughts were playing in her mind and giving false hope once again. She was so deep in her thoughts that a there were a moment of silence between them. It wasn't awkward. Their eyes met and it was a moment that Brooke had missed. Just the two of them, looking into each other's eyes and no words were needed.

"I'm going to miss you, Brooke Davis," Lucas broke the silence. That look just pierced through her and she felt her heart breaking all over again. She just felt like crying. But she knew that will be over as soon as she is gone.

"I'm going to miss you too, Lucas Scott"

He stepped closer to her and pulled her close for a hug. His arms were around her so tight that she felt like nothing ever went wrong between them. It was just like the old days. She was in heaven for the last time. From now on she was going to forget about the feelings she had for him.

After visiting Haley, Rachel drove Brooke to the airport and she was all alone now. She sat in the plane, waiting for it to leave. She looked out of the window and thought back. She had a great life in Tree Hill. She had great friends, some great love. And she was having hard time leaving both behind. She knew her friends will be there no matter what but not the love of her life. She remembered all the great times with Lucas. How he called her pretty girl and painted his door red so she could be the girl behind red door. He had done so much for her, even if they weren't together. How could she possibly forget about that? Or a bigger question – how could he? She felt like her whole life ran before her eyes.

At the same time Haley and Nathan were lounging on the couch in their apartment, watching TV. Nathan had gotten up and went to the kitchen when suddenly a breaking news bulletin was on. Haley stood up and watched the TV with horror.

"Oh my god," she whispered loudly enough for Nathan to hear it.

"What is it, Hales?" He asked and looked at her. She stood in front of the TV shocked.

"It's Brooke's plane. It crashed on the runway." She answered without taking her eyes off the screen.

_If you've got love_

_You better hope that that's enough_


	13. Goodbye

**Goodbye**

_I watched you from afar_

_Wishing on every star_

_Saving every penny_

When Brooke opened her eyes and she was lying on the hospital bed with all those tubes connected to her body. The first thing she saw was a guy sitting next to him. His blonde hair shone in the sunlight and his piercing blue eyes like smiled to her.

"Brooke!" familiar voice quietly called her. He stood up and went to find the doctor. The doctor examined her and asked her questions. The more he asked the more confused she got. She didn't remember anything that happened. When the doctor left, it was just her and Lucas.

"How are you?" He asked and sat down beside the bed.

"I'm not sure. It's all so blurry. I don't really remember anything happening to me. I think I was supposed to fly to L.A.," she answered. Her voice was barely heard.

"You just woke up from a coma. I think it's normal," he took her hand and squeezed it.

"I sure hope so," she answered. She was caught in a moment, enjoying Lucas' touch again. They were sitting there quietly for a moment when she suddenly jerked away. Lucas holding her hand felt so right but so wrong at the same time. "Why are you here alone?" she asked then.

"Umm… Haley and Peyton went home to get some sleep. They have been here all this time," he mumbled like he wasn't really sure if that was the right answer to this question.

"How long have I been here for?"

"Three weeks,"

"Wow, that's a long time."

"Yeah. By the way, your mother called and asked me to tell you that you can still go and work for Victoria's Secret. They wish you quick recovery and they are waiting for you until you get better."

"Victoria's Secret? Oh my god, I think I remember that now," she said and suddenly her life in past couple of months flashed before her eyes. She was shocked and confused. "My babies," she suddenly mumbled.

"What?" Lucas asked.

"How are my babies?" she asked and there was uncomfortable silence in the room. She looked at him but he looked away. There were tension in the air and she knew that there were some things left unsaid. She opened her mouth to ask him but Haley walked in and interrupted her.

"Hey, Brooke! I heard you were awake," she said after stepping into the room.

"I leave you guys alone," Lucas said and stood up to walk away. Haley sat down next to the bed. She took Brooke's hand and smiled at her.

"How are you?" She asked.

"I don't know really. I'm so confused right now. But I guess I have to get used to people asking me that question," she answered and looked at Haley. When some people would be offended by an answer like that, she just smiled at Brooke like she understood what she was going through. Or at least she tried and Brooke was more than thankful for that.

_I used to feel the same_

_Like everything's a game_

_But all I kept doing was losing_

After a few days, Brooke's condition was significantly better. Everyone were visiting her and being nice to her but no one ever told her the truth. No one had said a word about her children and she didn't even know what to think.

Haley was there most of the days. Just like on that day, she sat there when Brooke was about to leave the hospital to go to L.A.

"So are you sure that you are ready to get on the plane again?" Haley asked Brooke when she saw her standing by the window and quietly looking out.

"I think so. I mean, I have been scared of lots of things but I've gotten over it. I think I can get over it too," she answered and looked out of the window. "And please don't tell anyone that I'm leaving today. I already said my goodbyes the last time and I don't really need that sadness anymore."

She wasn't really supposed to leave yet. She was alright but needed checked from time to time. So she was able to talk the doctor letting her leave earlier than planned. She just couldn't feel the pain of letting go again. But she still was a little confused.

"Haley," she started and turned around, "no one has said a word about my pregnancy."

Haley seemed really nervous and there was a weird silence between them for a moment. She looked down and looked at Brooke again.

"Brooke, I'm sorry. Since you've been very stressed out and your condition was very bad for a while, the doctor asked us to give you some time for recovering. And we told him that we would tell you instead of him. Lucas promised to tell you but he didn't know that you are leaving so early"

"What are you trying to say?" Brooke interrupted her. She saw that something bad was happening. For all those days she was under the medication and dealing with amnesia, so she didn't have much time to think about that.

"I'm so sorry," Haley said and broke down. She had tears in her eyes and Brooke knew what was coming.

"Just tell me, Hales."

"You lost your babies, Brooke. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that we didn't tell you earlier," she walked closer to Brooke. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Just a few months ago she would have been happy to not be pregnant but she grew to love the thought of being a mother. At that moment she was too shocked to even cry. She had lost Lucas and now she lost her children – the only thing keeping her close to him. She felt like she couldn't breathe and tears came to her eyes.

"Brooke, please say something. Anything!"

"I'm alone now," she said staring into Haley's eyes. Tears were now pouring from her eyes and she was ready to give up on everything. Haley stepped closer and wrapped her arms around her. "Why didn't Lucas told it to me himself?" She sobbed.

"I'm sorry Brooke. I'm sure he wanted to do it himself,"

She sobbed even harder. She hadn't felt that much pain for a long time. Not even when she was letting go Lucas. But seems like she never really let go of him because she knew that there were two beautiful children binding them together for a lifetime. It was the end of time world as she knew it. It was the end of the world where Lucas belonged to her life. And she was disappointed that Lucas wasn't there to tell her and hold her in his arms when she broke down. She felt alone, just like before. She knew that she was alone again.

A little later, Lucas arrived at the hospital and saw Haley leaving.

"How's Brooke?" he asked when they met. When he looked at her closely, he saw that she had been crying. "What's wrong, Hales?"

"She left, Luke," she answered and looked at Lucas.

"What? You mean, she went home?"

"No, Luke. She's gone for good,"

"What? Did you tell her about the babies?"

"Yes."

"Why, Hales? I was the one who was supposed to do that!"

"You weren't there, Luke. And she was about to leave. I had to tell her."

At the same time, Brooke sat on the plane, drugged with Xanax and waiting to leave. Her phone was vibrating endlessly. She already had 5 missed calls and these were all from Lucas. But she didn't want to talk to him. She would have loved to have him there with her but she knew that seeing him was going to break her heart once again. She had just healed. Now she's hurting again. And she wished that Lucas was the one helping her get through that but she couldn't handle it. She was that weak girl again, who felt like she was alone in the world again. But she was on her way to Los Angeles and she was about to start over again. Independently.

_Hey, what are you going to say?_

_What are you going to do?_

_When it's all said and done_


	14. Coming home

**Coming home**

It was three years ago when she left Tree Hill. Now she was ready to go back. She was ready to face her past and see that she has really moved on. But she was so happy to see her friends again. Since she moved to Los Angeles, her life changed completely. She became a successful designer for Victoria's Secrets and after a year working for them, she established her own company called Clothes Over Bros. Around the same time she became a celebrity and the paparazzi were following her everywhere. So her relationship with a soccer player David Smith was all over the tabloids all the time. Now they have been dating for two years and she couldn't been happier.

When she got off the plane in Tree Hill, she walked out to see Peyton's smiling face welcoming her. She ran to her and they hugged.

"Welcome back, B. Davis," Peyton said while hugging her.

"It's nice to be back, P. Sawyer," she answered and looked at her. She had gotten even prettier than she was before. Her curly hair was darker than before but it was gorgeous. She was happy to see her best friend happy and glowing. She felt so good at that moment and she knew that coming back home for a while was a good idea.

_Nothing here is falling in place_

_A map that points to all our mistakes_

Later at night she decided to go for a walk, to see what's happened in Tree Hill while she was gone. Of course, the first place to visit was the River court. She still sees them all together hanging out and having fun without having a care in the world. They were so young and restless back then. She walked to the court and admired the view of the river. She looked at the lights mirroring on the river and fresh summer breeze came to make this moment even better. But with that breeze something else also came. She felt someone's hand on her shoulder and she flinched. When she turned around she saw the face she was the most scared of seeing. It was Lucas standing in front of her, smiling. She looked at her and she couldn't believe that he had gotten even more handsome with the years. He was looking like a man, not the boy she fell in love with. But for her devastation those feelings she felt for that boy are still there.

"Welcome back, Brooke!" he said to her and hugged her. She let go of him fast and they both smiled awkwardly.

"It's good to be back here. So many memories and so much have changed but not everything. I see you are still where you belong," she smiled and walked on.

"Yeah. River court is still my safe place," Lucas answered and walked with Brooke. They sat down on the bench beside the court.

"So, how are you, Brooke Davis?" He asked and tried to catch her eye.

"I'm fine. I'm in a happy relationship and I have a successful business. My life is going great," she answered and looked into his eyes but looked away again. He knew that things haven't been the best for her all the time.

"Are you sure? I mean, the last time I saw you, you were pretty messed up,"

"That was almost two years ago. I'm okay now. We're okay now."

_Brooke was sitting in a bar in Los Angeles. She had a margarita in front of her and she was sipping it slowly. Suddenly a familiar face approached her and she stood up._

"_Hey, Luke! It's so good to see you!" she hugged Lucas._

"_Not as good as to see you!" He answered. They looked at each other for a moment and then sat down together._

"_So how's life? I see you are a famous writer now, having a book tour and everything," Brooke teased her and laughed a little. She was definitely a little tipsy._

"_Yeah, it's not bad. You are a big celebrity yourself. How's it going with VS?"_

"_You know, I'm trying to establish my own company right now,"_

"_That's great Brooke!"_

"_Yeah, I guess so," she mumbled and finished her drink. "Hey, excuse me! Could you please make me another one of that? Make it a double please!" She hollered at the bartender and turned back to Lucas._

"_Is everything okay?" He asked and tried to look into her eyes but she tried to avoid it._

"_I'm fine, I just had a rough day, that's all," she said and smiled little, "but you know what? We should have fun tonight. My boyfriend is out of town and I really don't feel like going home."_

_He answered with a smile that clearly said 'yes' to that proposal. They ordered more and more drinks until Brooke was very wasted. She needed to get some air, so they went for a walk and ended up on the beach. They sat down side by side and just watched the ocean waves crashing. They had been giggling all night and now there was a moment of silence. When he looked at her, he noticed that her eyes were wet._

"_Brooke, what's wrong?" He asked and moved closer to her._

"_I don't know. I'm just really confused right now. I just found out this morning that David cheated on me when they were away with the team and I don't know what to do. I don't want this to get into the media because then they're going to be all over me and I can't handle it. I can't handle being broken again, Luke. I just can't," she was sobbing so hard now that he felt bad for her. He put his arm around her and pulled her closer. _

"_Brooke, I'm so sorry to hear that. I think that you don't deserve to be treated like that. You shouldn't be with someone who hurts you like that. He's doesn't deserve you,"_

"_Don't to this, Luke," she said and pushed him away. She stood up and walked closer to the water and he followed her._

"_Do what?" he asked when he was standing next to her._

"_You can't come here after a year without talking to me and tell me how deserves to be with me. You just can't," she turned to face Lucas._

"_I care about you, Brooke. I really do,"_

"_Yeah, I'm sure about that," she answered and walked away again._

"_Brooke, wait! I just want to be there for you!" he yelled and ran after her. He took her hand and pulled her to turn around. _

"_That's really great, Lucas! But where were you the last time? Where were you when I was in a plane crash and lost my children? Sorry, our children. Where were you then?" she yelled at him and tears came to her eyes. Lucas opened his mouth to answer but she didn't let him. "You were so in love with Peyton that you had forgotten about me. I was carrying a part of you inside me. And when I lost them, you weren't even there to tell me. You knew it but you kept it from me so that you wouldn't have to deal with me again. So yeah, I didn't answer your calls but you were too late. You had broken me when you chose Peyton over me and then you broke me again. You broke me, Lucas Scott. You broke me," she sobbed really hard and she was about to fall down when Lucas caught her. He pulled her closer and held her closer than ever before._

"_I'm sorry Brooke. I wanted to be the one to tell you and I wanted to be there for you but you left. And you made pretty clear that you didn't want to talk to me, so I gave up," he pulled Brooke away to look into her eyes, "But that doesn't mean I wasn't hurting or that I didn't want to be there for you. I wanted to, I promise you. I would have made it go away if I could, just to keep you from getting hurt but I couldn't. And that's what hurt me the most – I couldn't keep you safe. But I care about you, Brooke Davis. I care about you a lot more than you know," he finished and stared at Brooke. She was like paralyzed – she wanted to run but her feet wouldn't move. She was stuck there in that moment with the man he loved and he was looking at her with the way he used. At that moment she knew that the love for this guy will never disappear from her heart. Suddenly, he pulled her closer to kiss her. They stood there, kissing for some time that felt like a lifetime. She wanted this moment to last forever but she knew it was wrong. So she pulled him away._

"_Why do you always have to make things so complicated?" she asked him and walked away._

"_Brooke, wait! Where are you going?" He hollered._

"_I'm going home, Luke. You should do the same," she turned around and said. Then she continued to walk away, leaving Lucas behind with a broken heart. Just like he left her once._

_Too much of this sound_

_I need a light; I need to know when I can break out_

_Tell me it's safe now_

Later they were all sitting at Karen's café and having a lovely time together. Brooke, Haley and Peyton were sitting around a table like they used to two years ago. For a while it felt like nothing has changed and that's what Brooke needed the most.

"So, Brooke. When are we going to meet your famous boyfriend?" Haley teased and they all laughed.

"He's going to be here soon, don't worry. He has a game to play before, you know. We can all watch him on TV being hot and everything."

"Can't wait!" Peyton answered sarcastically and smiled.

"Good to see that you're still my P. Sawyer," she said and looked at her best friend. Over the years they had stayed in contact and she couldn't be happier about that. She didn't know what she would do without her. But there were so many things she didn't know and those were the things she wanted to keep to herself as long as she could.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that you decided to come home when I told you the news," Peyton continued and she was glowing. Anyone could tell that she is having the time of her life.

"How can I miss my best friend's wedding," she answered with a large grin. There was so much regret behind it. "By the way, I have almost finished your dress. You have to come to my apartment tomorrow for a fitting, okay?"

"Oh, I can't wait!"

"You're going to look so pretty!" she giggled and tried to be happy for her best friend even though she was marrying the guy she couldn't stop loving.

"And I can't wait to see my dress for the wedding. I hope it will be almost as pretty as the bride's dress," Haley added.

"Of course. You all will look absolutely fabulous! I can promise you that." She looked at her friends and she thought that she couldn't be more blessed. She had almost everything she wanted. And one person can't have it all. She knew it and accepted it. But there were this nagging feeling in her heart that it wasn't the way she wanted it to be. Making a dress for Peyton was okay until she didn't see her wearing it. She knew that it was all becoming real. She was losing the love of her life and she couldn't do anything about it. She loved her best friend too much. And there she was. Trying to be the best version of herself and trying not to regret it.

_Too much to handle, too much to take_

_This is a ghost town_


	15. Chapter 15

_There was a time and place_

_Not far from here and now_

_Maybe a brighter day_

She was sitting in her apartment with her best friend and they were sipping the best Champagne and having a nice time together. Then came the time for Peyton to try on the dress and she was gorgeous. Just the way she had imagined it. Her heart shattered into little pieces once again and she tried her best not to cry. Why couldn't she just be happy for her friend and try to be happy in her own relationship? So many things had gone wrong over the years that she didn't even know if the relationship between her and David was working out. But others didn't have to know about that. That relationship was a way to show that she had moved on and it worked. Peyton and Lucas were getting married and no one knew how much it hurt her. She was okay with it.

She was walking with a coffee on her hand on the river walk when her phone rang. She took it out from her bag and saw that the caller was David. Part of her was happy and other one disappointed. But she answered the call.

"Hey, honey! How are you? What do you mean you can't come here? You have to! We have had enough problems, so we need this. We need to get away from all of it. I need you to show me that our relationship is important to you. What? Are you saying that your so called buddies are more important than I am? Well, thank you, darling! Like you haven't disappointed me enough. How could you bring that up right now?" suddenly her voice broke and tears came to her eyes, "It's not my fault. When are you going to understand that? Well, if you do, then you can call me. Don't bother before!" she hung up and angrily threw her phone back to her bag. She tried to keep the tears from falling. Suddenly, she heard a voice behind her. "Is everything alright?" She turned around and saw Lucas standing there.

"Seems like you are everywhere," she tried to sound normal and smiled at him like nothing happened.

"We haven't hang out for a while. We have to make up for that time somehow," he answered with a grin and for a moment it felt like they haven't been apart at all. "The conversation you had seemed pretty intense."

"Oh, it's okay. Couples fight from time to time, you know," she looked away and started walking with him by her side. She felt his body so close that she wanted to take his hand. She hadn't long for something so badly before. She looked down because she couldn't look at him and not want him. For a long time she had forgotten about that feeling but now it was hard to not act on it.

"I just thought that … knowing what happened between you two …"

"It's not that, Luke."

"Good to know. But something's bothering you, I can see that."

"It's between me and David. Nothing you have to worry about."

"You can tell me, Brooke. I can tell that it's eating you up inside. What's wrong?"

"I can't discuss it with you," she answered angrily and started to walk faster.

"Why?"

"Why can't you just leave it alone? Do you really have to make me mad every time we talk?" she tried to get away from Lucas but he grabbed her hand to hold her back.

"I just want to know what's wrong. Maybe I can help," he was now looking into her eyes.

"No, you can't Luke. Your job here is already done."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I can't have children, Lucas," she said it out loud and burst into tears. "After the miscarriage I had, I can't have children anymore."

"I'm sorry to hear that Brooke. But how is that my fault?"

"I wasted that one chance because of some meaningless fling!"

"It wasn't meaningless!"

"Oh, really? You were so in love with your precious Peyton that you couldn't care less that I was carrying your children. I loved the thought of having children but I was hurt by the way you acted."

"What was I supposed to do? I cared about you and the children."

"It doesn't matter anymore. I had one chance and I wasted it for you."

"Brooke … don't go!"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Brooke! I would have loved to have children with you!"

"It's a little too late for that now. You're going to have plenty of them with Peyton while I'm not going to have any. But I hope you're happy. That's all. Now leave me alone."

She was back in her bed, sobbing her eyes out. Just like in high school three years ago. Even though she promised herself that she wouldn't let those things get to her anymore, she couldn't keep her promise. She had let herself down and there was nothing worse. Sick feeling creep inside of her and she couldn't bear any more pain. She had cried because she didn't know what to do with her life when she was pregnant and now she cried because she would have done anything to get that back. She would have acted differently, she would have been happier. She would have never got to that plane and she would be a single mother but a good one. Now it was only a dream. And she was alone with her dreams. Even the guy that was supposed to love her couldn't be there for her. She had forgiven him all the cheating and lying, believing that it will get better. But now she wasn't so sure anymore. She didn't want to end this relationship either because she didn't want to be looking for love again. She knew it would be another impossible pursuit. Her heart was where it was three years ago – in Tree Hill with Lucas. If it hadn't changed with three years, why should it change now? She got up from the bed and walked to the kitchen to make some coffee when her doorbell rang. When she opened the door, there stood her boy, looking at her with worry in his eyes.

"Luke, what are you doing here so late?" she was more than surprised to see him standing there as he was the last person she expected to visit her especially that late at night.

"I had to make sure you are okay,"

"I'm fine. Do you want to come in?" she knew it was probably a bad idea but she couldn't resist it. She had a perfect chance to spend some time with him, just talking and enjoying the night.

"Sure," he said and walked in. "you have a nice place here," he said looking around the apartment.

"It's my dad's. He bought a while ago, just in case he ever wishes to come here."

Lucas sat down on the couch. Brooke brought them coffee and joined him. She looked at him while sipping the coffee and she knew she couldn't wish for a better moment.

"So why aren't you at home with your fiancé?" she broke the silence and asked jokingly.

"I just needed to clear my head. I went to the river court and thought I should pay you a visit too. You were pretty upset before."

"I know. It's just that I only recently found out about my problem and we haven't really had time to process it yet. But I'm okay."

"I'm really sorry, Brooke. For everything."

"It's not your fault. I should be sorry for what I said earlier."

"It's okay. You were upset and I get that you are mad at me."

"No, I'm not. And I think we had pretty amazing time back in high school. I don't regret any of it."

"I'm glad that you think so. You will always have a special place in my heart, Brooke Davis."

She finally heard what she waited for so long – he hadn't forgotten about their love. She couldn't find words to answer without telling him how much she still wanted him next to her. She looked away and there was awkward silence between them.

"I think I need a drink now!" she said to break the silence and stood up. "You want some? I have wine and scotch." She walked to the minibar and turned around to look at him. He was still gazing at her with his piercing blue eyes like he was admiring her.

"You have scotch?" he laughed a little.

"It's my dad's place, you know. I only bought some wine for myself. So you want some?"

"Okay. What harm can it do?"

She let out a laugh and poured drinks for him and herself. She sat down next to him and they made a toast. They sat there and laughed like there was no one else in the world. Like there was nothing that would come between them. The last time she felt that way was in senior year of high school right after they had a huge fight after the storm and he made her so sure that he was immensely in love with her that nothing would or could ever change that. She was that girl again – young and head over heels in love with Lucas Scott. And at that moment there were nothing that would change that. The real world wasn't there. Real world did not exist that night and she wouldn't have had it any other way.

_Nothing's ever been this way before_

_A dream is just a dream and nothing more_


	16. Chapter 16

_If this is release why can't I feel a thing?_

_I'm here again, nowhere but somehow in between_

When Brooke opened her eyes it was already morning and the sun was shining. She looked around confused since she didn't remember falling asleep. She didn't remember changing her clothes and coming to bed. She flinched when she saw Lucas lying next to her and thousand thoughts ran through her mind. Did anything happen between them? How is she going to explain it to Peyton? She was only wearing her PJ's and he was wearing a t-shirt which wasn't the one he wore last night. Now she remembered that she had one of his t-shirts so she must have given it back to him. But she was literally freaking out. So she tried to wake Lucas up.

"Luke! Wake up!" she put her hand on his shoulder and shook him strong enough to wake him up.

"Ummm, where am I?" he looked around squinting his eyes because of the bright light.

"You are at my place. We must have fallen asleep after drinking. But you have to get up now and think what you are going to say to your fiancé. And it better be good or we both will be in trouble."

She was already looking through her clothes when Lucas slowly crawled out of the bed. She could feel him eyeing her and she enjoyed it. She wanted to turn around and kiss him. She would have loved to spend the day in bed with him but it was just an impossible dream.

"I'm sorry Brooke. I hope this doesn't cause you more trouble."

"It's okay. Just go now. And keep the …" she tried to tell him to take it with him but he was already out the door. She picked up the t-shirt and so many memories ran through her head. Their actual relationship wasn't that long but it was sweeter than anything else in her life. And the feelings were there for a much longer time. She could smell his favorite perfume on his t-shirt. It was the one she once gave him and he was still wearing the same one. And that made her think that there might be still hope for them. Even if there was, she could not do anything about it. She was stuck in her dreams that weren't going to come true. But she had to pick herself up again and live her life. Her empty stomach reminded her that she needed to do some grocery shopping.

She was almost done with shopping when she noticed a familiar face on the cover of a magazine on the newsstand. She took the magazine and looked at it – it had her picture on it with a text saying that David had cheated on her again. She opened the magazine and couldn't believe what she was seeing – there were pictures of David with a model in front of their building at the night and then her leaving next morning. When she was dealing with such pain and loss, he was out there making it all even worse. Her heart shattered again and it felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. She knew it was the end of that relationship and she was alone. The thought of sitting alone at home every night wasn't something she would have bear. She took the magazine, paid for her stuff and walked out of the store.

As she couldn't be at home, she went to the river court, without make-up wearing jeans, sneakers and a huge cardigan – which wasn't a look that Brooke Davis usually goes for. Usually it was quiet on the river court in the morning and she felt like it was a safe place to be for a while at least. She hadn't noticed that she had turned her phone off last night and she wasn't really looking forward to hearing all the messages from the press and everyone else. She would have wanted to keep it to herself so she could cry herself to sleep at home and walk out of the house in the morning like nothing happened. She didn't want to be vulnerable. She didn't want to look weak. While she was listening to the 10th message from David, she saw Haley approaching her.

"Hey!" she said and sat down next to Brooke.

"Hi, Hales," she answered and looked at her friend. Few years ago she didn't even know Haley and now she didn't know what she would do without her. She was always the one with best advice and ready to be there for her friends. That was all she needed right now.

"How are you holding up?"

"I don't know really. I mean, I think I knew this was going to happen again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. But I really wanted to believe that it wouldn't. I was so sure that it was just a mistake and he regrets the first time he cheated on me. Now it seems that he didn't love me enough to not hurt me again."

"I'm so sorry, Brooke. I wish there was something I could say or do for you."

"It's okay. Being here with me is enough. Besides, this relationship is over anyway. I'm not going to put up with this crap any longer. I'm not even going to call him back. I don't think he deserves that," her voice broke and tears rolled down her cheeks. Haley wrapped her arm around her shoulders.

"Someone as amazing as you deserves a lot more. And one day there will be a guy who loves you and gives you everything you deserve and even more."

"I really hope so because I'm tired of getting hurt," she rested her head on Haley's shoulder and she couldn't stop tears from falling. In her heart she knew that Lucas was the one who could heal her. Even though she wouldn't even be so weak if it wasn't for him. Still, she would take him back in a heartbeat.

_Maybe I built this house just to burn it down_

_From the ashes I shall wear a crown_

_'Cause I'm, I'm the queen of broken hearts_

After moping around all day, she realized that she was free again. She was young and beautiful and there were no reason to stay in that night. So she put on make-up, chose a sexy dress and matched it with a pair of her best Louboutins – she was ready to go and have a fun night at TRIC. She walked right to the bar and was surprised to see a familiar face behind the bar.

"Hello! I think I know you from high school," she said and looked at the brunette guy.

"Yeah, we went to school together. I'm Chase Adams."

"It's nice to meet you Chase. I'm Brooke …"

"Brooke Davis. Yeah, I know. I think everyone around here knows."

"Well, that's good. I now would like to have a margarita. I really need a drink."

Chase was back soon with a drink. And he kept them coming. Soon Brooke was pretty drunk and all her worries were gone from her head. Suddenly, a handsome mystery man sat next to her and ordered a beer. She looked at him and was kind of mesmerized. He seemed really confident and maybe even a bit cocky but that made him even sexier.

"Why does a hot guy like you sit in a bar alone?" she approached the guy.

"I'm actually waiting for someone," he looked at Brooke and replied.

"That's a pity. I was hoping that I could steal you for a night. But I guess the girl you are waiting for already has you."

"Actually, I'm waiting for my soon-to-be business partner, hopefully."

"Well, then I guess it's okay if we danced until your business partner arrives," she winked at him and grabbed his hand. A moment later they were on the dance floor, her body clinging to his.

"By the way, my name is Brooke Davis."

"I know. You're girl from the book."

"What book?"

"An Unkindness of Ravens by Lucas Scott."

"Oh, that one. I never read it."

"Why not?"

"Too many memories. Besides, it's all ancient history now."

"I think you're missing out. You should read it. No one has ever written with such passion about a girl they don't end up with. Anyone who reads it would fall in love with Brooke Davis. It might be even a bit disappointing that Lucas ends up with Peyton."

"It's just a book. Lucas is with Peyton now and they are engaged and about to get married."

"It's an awesome love story. I'm Julian Baker, by the way, a film producer. I am meeting Lucas to discuss turning his book into a movie."

"Wow, I guess he really got everything he ever wanted and even more. But enough of Lucas, I am more interested in you right now. I'm wondering if you are a good kisser. I love guys who can kiss well."

"There's only one way to find out," he said and pulled her closer to kiss her. They were so busy that they didn't even notice someone standing next to them.

"Umm, hello?" a familiar voice said and Brooke flinched. They both looked and saw Lucas standing in front of them. "Hi, Brooke. I didn't realize you knew Julian."

She just stood there and stared at Lucas. She sobered up with just a second and she was embarrassed. She didn't really want him to see her like that but at the same time she wanted it. She wanted him to see with someone else and maybe then he would realize that he's missing out on something. She wanted to see that ache in his eyes and she was almost certain that it was there. But that could be the alcohol too.

"Hi Luke. I need to go to the bathroom. I'll see you guys later."

When she came back, on her way to the bar Lucas grabbed her hand and pulled her aside.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Brooke?" he asked and looked deep into her eyes. He was standing so close to her that she could feel his breath.

"It's none of your business, Luke. I had a really bad day and I don't' want to be alone."

"You could have come to me."

"I can't come to you. I have ignored your fiancé the whole day because I don't know what to say to her."

"She would have understood. You're having rough time."

"No she wouldn't. And I know that. So why wouldn't you just leave me alone and mind your own business," she shouted in his face with anger and walked past him straight to the bar where Julian was sitting and waiting for her.

"Chase! Please pour me another drink!" she yelled and looked at her companion, "You are so handsome, you know that? And that grin!"

"You're not bad yourself, Brook Davis. But I don't know if I can even touch you without getting a punch from Lucas."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He was all defensive, like 'if you hurt her, I'm going to hurt you'"

"He really said that?"

"Yeah. I guess you're still pretty close."

"We're just friends. And he has no right to say that. So let's forget about that and maybe we could get out of here. I have a nice apartment not so far away from here."

"How can I say no when someone like you asks me."

They walked out of the club and she stopped. She looked at Julian and realized that she didn't want to go home with him. "I'm sorry. Is it okay if I go home alone?"

"Of course. I see there is some history there, between you and Lucas."

"Yeah. I'm really trying to move past it but it seems kind of impossible."

"I hope that you and I can still be friends when I start working with him."

"I hope so too. You seem like a great guy," she smiled to Julian. She just waved and walked away. She liked Julian but she knew he could only be a friend for her. She still had Lucas' words ringing in her head. Did he really say those words to Julian? And then there was David. She hadn't answered his messages and she really didn't want to talk to him. But she knew that it had to happen eventually. She just wasn't sure if it was the time for that.

_If there's a way to believe I can't feel a thing_

_I'm free as a bird with a broken wing_


	17. Chapter 17

This is kind of a filler chapter so I could move on with the story better. New and better chapter will be up soon

She had spent the morning thinking about getting her life back to tracks and move on with it. She knew that the first thing she had to do was to visit her best friend. So, soon she found herself standing behind Lucas' door that once used to be red and she was the girl behind that door. She was the girl behind red door and she would have loved to be that girl again. Thinking back, that was probably the best thing that anyone ever did for her. She wasn't ready to leave back then and he took her in.

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Peyton answered the door as she had hoped. She didn't look mad. If anything, she looked relaxed.

"Hi, P. Sawyer. I wanted to apologize that I ignored you yesterday. It's just that I thought you would be mad at me about Luke and wanted to say that he was just being a good friend."

"I know and it's okay, Brooke. I was a little upset but I understand that you're having tough times in your life and you and Lucas are still close. I get it. But I wish you would come to me if you feel like you need someone. I'm your best friend and I will always be there."

"I know. It's just that he overheard me talking to David and he got worried. He's just a good friend. And I'm going to need my very best friend tonight. Can you meet me at TRIC at 8?"

"Sure. Is everything alright?"

"I don't know. I just have to do something today and we'll see if I'm going to be okay after that. But see you then?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

Brooke smiled to her best friend and turned around to walk away. Before getting into her car she saw Lucas standing next to her. She felt a little bit awkward after last night.

"Hey, Brooke! Are you alright?"

"Yeah. About last night …"

"You shouldn't be like that. You shouldn't drink and party. You should just come to me if you're having trouble."

"This right here has to stop. You telling me what to do and what not to do and telling me to go to you. First of all, you have no right to criticize my actions. This is who I am and you should know that by now. I'm still the same Brooke Davis I was a few years ago. I have my own way of healing myself and you have no right to say anything about that. And I have Haley and Peyton, so I don't really need your shoulder to cry on. There's just so much history between us and I feel like it's not okay," she wanted to hug Lucas and tell him that she's just saying those things so she wouldn't upset her best friend. She wanted him to know that he would always be her first choice when it comes to a shoulder to cry on. That look in his eyes made her feel like there was no one else in the world at that moment. How could anyone look at you like that and not be in love with you? Is there a way to look at someone with more loving way? She wished she knew the answers to the questions that popped into her head.

"I'm just saying. It seemed like you were back in your old ways."

"Really, Lucas? That's how much you think of me? Thanks a lot for being such a great friend!" she yelled at him and sat in her car without listening what he wanted to say to her. She couldn't believe that Lucas thought the worst of her. Of course, she acted that way at TRIC but she hoped that he thought more of her.

At night she was on her way to TRIC. She had finished a phone call with David. When she arrived, Peyton was already waiting for her. She noticed Brooke's sad face.

"Are you alright?" she asked when Brooke sat down beside the table next to her.

"Not right now but I will be. I broke up with David."

"What? Are you sure it was the right thing to do?"

"I'm sure. I mean look at us. We pretend that everything is alright but actually things couldn't be worse."

"I know he cheated on you but is there anything else I should know about?"

"I'm really sorry that I haven't told you about that yet. I found out that I can't have children after the miscarriage I had."

"Oh, Brooke. I'm so sorry. Are you sure that there isn't anything that you could do?"

"I'm pretty sure. I saw some of the best doctors and they didn't give me much hope so I try to get used to that idea," she was really close to crying but she was distracted by the sight of a handsome acquaintance. She saw Julian coming towards their table.

"Can I join you, pretty ladies?" he smirked and looked at Brooke and Peyton.

"Of course you can," Brooke answered and smiled. "Peyton, this is Julian Baker, maybe you know about him. He is doing a movie of Lucas' book."

"Yeah. I have heard about you. I'm Peyton Sawyer," she introduced herself and smiled. Brooke could swear she saw a spark in Peyton's eyes. A spark that she hadn't seen since high school.

"I've heard about you too," he obviously referenced knowing her from the book. And he obviously liked her. Brooke was happy to see two people who liked each other but that were Lucas' fiancé and she didn't want him to get hurt. She wanted to stay there and make sure that they didn't flirt but her phone rang.

"Oh, I'm sorry. That's my mom. And I think it's going to be a long conversation, so I have to leave. I'll call you tomorrow, Peyt."

She nodded and waved to the pair. She walked out of the door to answer her phone.

"Hello Victoria. I'm not in the mood to talk to you right now. Well, the business can wait." She hung up. She couldn't deal with her mother and business right now.


	18. Chapter 18

_Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends_

_A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again_

With Lucas and Peyton's wedding day arriving, Brooke, Peyton and Haley had been busy with planning the wedding. Brooke was feeling happier and she didn't even have time to think about Lucas that much. She was worried about the bride, though. She had been distant and all she ever said was that she was exhausted of all the planning and preparing. She knew something else was going on and when she tried to get it out of her, she just changed the subject.

The night before bachelor and bachelorette parties Brooke was yet again at home and preparing an outfit for herself to wear at the party. Suddenly the doorbell rang and when she opened the door she was surprised to find Lucas standing there once again. But this time he looked nothing like the guy she knew.

"Hey, Luke. Come in," she said without asking anything, hoping he would say something. He sat down on the couch. He looked down and then at Brooke.

"I needed to talk to you."

"Okay. What's wrong?" she asked and sat down on the armchair next to the couch.

"I can't marry Peyton," he said and for Brooke it seemed like he spelled out every word very slowly. She couldn't believe what she had just heard and even suspected for a moment that she's only imagining it.

"What do you mean you can't marry Peyton?"

"I can't. I have thought about this for a long time now and I realized that I don't have the same feelings for her anymore. It's not the way it's supposed to be."

"Have you talked to Peyton about this?"

"No but I think that she feels the same way."

"You have to go talk to her. You have to go and fix this," she said with certainty in her voice and stood up to send him away.

"I can't," Lucas answered and stood up. He was standing close to her so she could see that his eyes were wet.

"You have to! Peyton needs you, I know that."

"But I need you," he said and stepped closer to Brooke.

"What?" She had just heard what she had longed to hear for so long and she couldn't believe it. "You are just upset, Lucas. Go home and talk to your fiancé. You are Lucas and Peyton; you have an amazing and epic love story."

"I don't need epic, Brooke. I just want to be with the person I love. Ever since you came back I have felt like something has been missing. I have had this feeling inside of me for weeks now. At first I thought that it will pass but it hasn't. Now I see that I made a mistake when I let you go. I was stupid and blind. I thought that I needed an epic love story but I don't. I need _you_, Brooke Davis. I want to be with you," he looked deep into her eyes and she couldn't hold back the tears. Why wouldn't he realize that earlier? She was so mesmerized by his words and look that she just let him move closer and lean into a kiss. The kiss still felt the same as few years ago. It felt like nothing had changed and they were still Brooke and Lucas, pretty girl and boyfriend, cheery and broody. She knew that Lucas Scott was the guy for him, just like he had said it. Now they were just standing there in each other's embrace and she felt safe. There was no other place where she would be. She was right where she belonged. A moment later she sobered up and pushed him away.

"You can't just come here and tell me something like that. You can't tell me that you are choosing me over Peyton again. We have been over this before and it always ends the same way. So, instead of hurting me again, go back to Peyton and fix your problems."

"I'm serious Brooke. This time it's for real. I want to be with you, not Peyton."

"I wonder where I have heard those words before."

"I know I have screwed up too many times but you have to believe me when I say that I want _you_ and no one else next to me,"

"I can't deal with this right now. Just go home and we'll see if you feel the same way tomorrow," she barely finished her sentence when her phone rang.

"It's Haley," she said to Lucas "I have to take this," she turned around without looking at him and answered. "Hi, Hales. What's up? What? She seemed fine before. She said that? Did she say why? Okay. Thank you for calling me. I'll go see her right now," she hung up and looked at Lucas who was still standing there with his piercing blue eyes wet and she knew he was lost. But she couldn't do anything about that. She knew she had to talk to Peyton and make sure she's okay.

"Look, I have to go see Peyton. Here's a spare key but I advise you to go to Haley's. Maybe she can talk some sense into you," she gave Lucas the keys and without letting him speak, she left the apartment. Out of the door, she shed a tear. How could this be so messed up? She could have everything she ever wanted but she would be a terrible person when she would take it all.

Soon Brooke was standing behind Peyton's door. She hasn't been there for years now since Peyton stayed at Lucas' place most of the time. She had always loved that house because she was always welcomed there. It was kind of a safe place for her and Peyton. She went in because she knew Peyton's dad wasn't there and went straight upstairs. She saw Peyton in her room, sitting on her bed and drawing. When Peyton noticed her looking she immediately hid her painting.

"Hey Brooke. What brings you here so late?"

"Haley called me and she said that you want to postpone the wedding."

"If you came here to talk me out of it then it's pointless."

"No, I just wanted to know what happened," she sat down next to Peyton and looked at her. She could tell that her best friend wasn't happy like one should be few days before getting married.

"Honestly, I don't know, Brooke. I just don't feel it anymore, you know? I was so happy when we got engaged and set the date. But now I feel like things have changed and this is not what I want anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"It was all good after high school. We got engaged but waited with the marriage. Ever since Lucas started working on his book and had a signing in Los Angeles things have been a bit weird. Because of that my feelings for him have changed a lot and I'm not sure what I feel."

"Does it have anything to do with Julian?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Don't look at me like that. I know it's totally crazy but I can't help it."

"It's okay. It's your life and your feelings. I have no right to judge you. But have you told Lucas yet?"

"No, I'll go visit him later. I already told Haley to call the guests. Good thing there wasn't going to be a big wedding."

"Yeah. But don't you worry about that. I'll go and help Haley. Are you going to be okay on your own?" she needed to talk to Lucas before Peyton did. She knew if Lucas told Peyton what he told her the whole thing would blow up. She was sure that Lucas had no idea about Peyton feeling like that. So she had to make sure Lucas wouldn't tell Peyton anything before he lets her speak. Peyton nodded her and she walked out of the house. She sat into her car and drove to Haley's. That was going to be the longest night of her life.

_Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose_

_If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you_


	19. Chapter 19

_You made it clear_

_You weren't near_

_Near enough for me_

She drove to Haley's and stepped out of her car. She saw Nathan and Lucas at the door, then Nathan entering the house and closing the door behind him. Lucas walked towards his car when he noticed Brooke's car and her standing there.

"Brooke …" he said and stopped. She looked at him and she could see how confused he was. He had never seen Lucas Scott being a mess. He was always the one who was gathered when everything else was screwed up. But now he was the one who needed guidance. But that's what love does to you. It messes you up so the person you love could come and pick you up. Right now she thought she was supposed to be that person but she still wasn't sure. Many things had gone wrong in the past. Why should it work now?

"Did Haley tell you what Peyton told her?" she asked when he came closer. She could see him better now. She wished she just could hug him and tell him that it's going to be fine.

"She told me that she wanted to postpone the wedding but she didn't tell me the reason."

"Then just go to her place and let her talk, okay? Don't tell her about your doubts. It would just make things worse,"

"I have to tell her, Brooke. I can't just lie to her,"

"You can tell her but not now. If you love her just let it go right now."

There was a moment of silence between them. He stepped even closer and she could clearly see his eyes. She felt such a rush of emotions that she could barely hold herself back. He was right there but still out of her reach. Tension was getting unbearable and she had to get out of there or she would regret her actions.

"I have to go inside now. Haley's already waiting for me. Please go to Peyton's and hear her out. Tonight is not the time for telling the truth. Sleep on it and we'll see what happens." She looked down and into his eyes once again. There was a great possibility that tomorrow they live like nothing had happened and she had to be fine with it. There was still a chance that Lucas and Peyton get married and this dream ends.

Later she spent the night at Haley's place. They sat on the couch and she had wrapped a warm blanket around her shoulders. She didn't feel like going home and Haley was nice enough to let her stay there.

"I can't thank you enough that you let me stay here. I really don't want to be alone right now. My mind would drive me nuts."

"You are always welcome here."

"I'm also sorry for putting you in that position. I know it's not easy for you."

"I guess it's not your fault. Maybe Luke is just confused and nervous about getting married."

"Yeah, maybe,"

"I just hope that he makes up his mind for good this time. We are adults now and it is not okay to play games like in high school. We already know there is no way that no one gets hurt. You three are all my friends and I don't want to see you heartbroken and devastated."

"Peyton has been through enough. I don't want to see her suffer even more,"

"But what about you? You are in the middle of this again."

"Since I've been there before I'm pretty sure I can handle it the third time," she said and couldn't believe her own words. Maybe she is finally growing stronger. But there is always a chance that she is just lying to herself and everyone around her. Instead of being vulnerable and letting people to be there for her, she just hides away and deals with the pain by herself.

_The more I see I understand_

_Sometimes I still need you_

She spent the next day with her best friend. They were in Peyton's bedroom, just lying on the bed. It's like when they were kids. They always had each other and no one could come between them. When Lucas came around it all changed and now she wished that none of this drama ever happened. It only made things so much more complicated and she needed things to be simple for once in her life.

"Do you remember when we were just two kids hanging out and there were no boy drama? It was so much easier back then," she said and looked at her best friend. She was the strongest person she knew but seemed like she was again this confused girl who wasn't sure what she wanted. That confusion had caused them a lot of trouble before and she knew that it was going to happen again.

"Yeah. I miss those times. I loved hanging out with you here," she answered and looked back at Brooke.

"Do you think we can ever get past that? I mean like really forget about it all and just move on?"

"I don't know. I think it's a big part of our history and it always going to be there."

"But we're over it. We have come so far. That can't ruin us anymore."

"I hope you're right. "

Peyton's phone started buzzing and she reached for it. After looking at the screen she canceled the call and a little smile appeared on her face.

"Was that Julian?" Brooke asked her friend. Peyton looked at her shyly and nodded. "Wow. Is this getting serious?"

"I don't know. I just know that I haven't felt that good for a long time. But it's all so complicated. I still love Lucas and then there's Julian. I'm really confused right now."

"Yeah. I guess we all are," she couldn't believe that she was worried about Lucas getting hurt because of Julian. They were going to do a movie together and that means being together all the time. She was sure that Lucas couldn't just let Peyton go like that. There will be so many unresolved feelings and a lot of confusion. And she wasn't sure where she was standing in that mess.

Later Brooke decided to check on Lucas since no one had heard from him the whole day. She was worried that he would lock himself in and shut others out. She was standing behind his door once again and knocked on it. It took a long time before Lucas opened the door. He was standing there with only a towel wrapped around his waist and he was wet. Obviously he had just showered and Brooke couldn't take her eyes off of that nicely tanned body.

"Umm, is this a bad time?" she asked awkwardly.

"No, not at all. Come in. I'll get dressed."

"Oh, yeah. Don't mind me!" she said quietly and when Lucas looked at her she just smiled. "Anyway, where have you been the whole day? We tried to reach you like a million times."

"I had a meeting about the movie. They are going to make the movie."

"Wow, really? That's amazing Luke!"

"Yeah. I have to finish the script now and then we'll do casting."

"Oh! Who's going to play me? Better be really hot and a Hollywood star!"

"We'll see about that. Your shoes are hard to fill, though. Not a lot of people have your passion."

"Yeah, it's really hard to be that awesome in so many ways," she teased and giggled loudly. She saw Lucas smiling back to her. She was glad that she could make him happy but after all that gazing the silence became too much. Air in the room was so thick with tension that one could cut it with a knife. At that moment she saw Lucas approaching her and she wanted to run so bad but her feet wouldn't move. Just a few seconds later Lucas was standing right in front of her. He was so close that she could feel her breath on her lips. She looked into his eyes and looked down. Lucas reached for her hand and squeezed it. She looked at him again and he put his lips to hers. He kissed her passionately but softly and she could feel the butterflies waking up in her stomach. She pulled away and almost started crying.

"I wanted to do that so bad," he said and ran his fingers through her dark brown hair.

"Lucas …" she said and her voice broke. She fell into his arms.

"I want to be with you Brooke. I have wanted it for so long and now we can be together," he held her close until she pulled herself away. She was about to answer and tell him everything she had wanted to say for years now but when she opened her mouth, her phone rang. She looked at the phone – it was Victoria. Always on time.

"I have to take this. It's Victoria and she is going to be pissed if I ignore her again," she said and left the room when Lucas nodded. She was gone only for a moment. "She is at the airport and wants me to pick her up," she told Lucas.

"Why?" he asked with a little disappointment in his voice.

"I don't know, really. Would you drive me? I took a cab here."

"Yeah, sure. Anything for you," he gave her a kiss on the forehead and she was so sure it was going to be amazing time for them. They both sat in the car. The whole road to the airport there were nothing but loving looks between them. The words were unnecessary.

When they got to the airport, their little bubble was burst. Victoria was standing there with a very familiar male figure and Brooke couldn't believe her eyes.

"David, what are you doing here?" she asked in shock and tried not to look at Lucas. That must have been even more uncomfortable than being in the same room with Lucas and Peyton.

"I came to fix us," he answered with a grin on his face. He seemed certain that their relationship could be fixed.

Brooke couldn't get the words out of her mouth. She finally looked at Lucas who was clearly heartbroken. She looked down and she knew that Lucas was going to leave. He walked away and once again they were back at the start.

_Heart skipped a beat_

_And when I caught it_

_You were out of reach_


	20. Chapter 20

_We're so fragile at times_

_Now there's no kissing goodnight_

After Lucas left the airport, Brooke went to the hotel where Victoria and David were staying. She hadn't been that mad at anyone for a long time now. Victoria went behind her back and brought David to Tree Hill, even though they agreed that he wasn't coming. This was probably just to make her forgive him to get good press.

"Victoria we need to talk," she said as she was about to enter her room to leave Brooke alone with David. "David, please leave us alone for a moment," she said to him and he left. Brooke and Victoria stood in the middle of the hallway.

"What were you thinking, bringing David here? Do you really have to interfere with my personal life too?" she hissed through her teeth angrily, trying to talk as quietly as possible.

"I was sad to hear that you two couldn't patch things up and I thought this relationship deserves another chance."

"Really? You want me to take back a man who has constantly cheated on me? Or is it just for publicity?"

"I would never do that to you Brooke."

"Yeah right. I was so close to having something real with Lucas and you ruined it."

"Lucas? The one that got you pregnant and dumped you for your best friend? What a catch!"

"He really cares about me and it's none of your business who I want to be with."

"As long as I'm your business partner I have a right to say what is good to our image and what's not. Besides, I came here to get you back to work, not to deal with your ridiculous boy drama. You have completely abandoned your company, you ignore my calls and you don't show up for important meetings. We can't run a business like that."

"I have bigger and more important problems in my life right now. And you can deal with the company by yourself."

"No honey. I can't run a successful clothing company without its head designer. Did you think about the proposition I made before you vanished?"

"I really haven't had any time. And I need to deal with David now," she walked past Victoria without waiting for her answer and went to David's hotel room. When he opened the door for her, she saw the hot body and gorgeous smile she fell for the first time she saw him. Who wouldn't? This is what a perfect man looks like. Only if he was as amazing inside as he is on the outside. She stepped in and looked around the hotel room. It wasn't luxurious and lavishing as it could have been. It was rather modest, which wasn't really David's style.

"Can I offer you a drink?" he asked when Brooke finally looked at him.

"No, thank you. I just need you to know that …" she couldn't finish her thought when David interrupted her.

"There's no pressure. I just want a little of your time to make you see that I have changed for the better. I want to be the right guy for you Brooke Davis and I'm going to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness."

Brooke was gazing the man standing in front of him. He had said those things before but never had he sounded so genuine and sad at the same time. But she had heard it all before. She had been in this situation too many times. First with Lucas and Peyton and now with David. She didn't really know what to do or say at that point.

"Okay, we'll see," that was the only thing she could think of. "It's getting late, I should really get going," she added and walked to the door.

"I'll call you," David said and managed a smile to his face. Brooke just nodded. She walked out and closed the door behind her. She knew that she had to see Lucas.

Soon she was knocking at Lucas' bedroom door for the second time. She knew that conversation wasn't going to be easy and she was prepared for the worst. When Lucas opened the door she saw a broken man looking at her. She walked in and she noticed that he couldn't even look at her.

"I'm really sorry Luke. I had no idea that David was coming," she said with tears in her eyes. She wanted to make sure he was okay. She needed to be there for him.

"It's okay," he answered without looking at her. "Where does that leave us?"

"I don't know. I am _so_ confused right now. It's just that I was so sure about everything and now it's all upside down and I don't know what the right thing to do is. I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do or what to say. I'm not sure where I stand. So I think it's best if we stay friends for now. At least until things clear up," as she said those words she could feel his heart break into million pieces. She wanted to say different things but she couldn't until she wasn't sure. This time she had to be sure when she makes the decision. After a little silence Lucas looked at Brooke with his calm eyes.

"If that's what you need, then it's okay for me," he said and smiled a little. She was happy to see him smile but she knew the best how easy it is to hide feelings behind a smile.

_When silence falls between us_

_All we do is miss each other_

Later she met with Haley at the river walk. Haley was that person who Brooke turned to in every situation and she was always there. She couldn't really go to Peyton with her problems since she hadn't told her what happened between her and Lucas.

"I really hope that you are not mad at me," she said to Haley and looked at her with her sad eyes.

"I'm not mad at anyone. And I couldn't be mad at you, Brooke," Haley wrapped her arm around Brooke as they walked on.

"I'm just so confused right now. We had that moment with Lucas and then Victoria shows up with David who is declaring his undying love for me. And then there's Peyton. I haven't even spoken to her yet and I feel really bad."

"Lucas told me what happened. He also said that he hasn't spoken to Peyton about you two. He really haven't spoken to her at all,"

"Oh god. This is going to be so bad. I don't know what I should do about David. He's here and he's really sweet and seems like he's sincere but …" she stopped and looked down.

"But what?"

"I have believed him before and he did it again. How can I be sure that it won't be like that again?"

"I really don't have an answer for that. I guess you just have to trust your gut. And your heart of course. What is it telling you? "

"I have feelings for Lucas but David and I have been through a lot together and I don't know if I can give that up or not."

"Well, I hope you make up your mind soon. It's not fair to keep them waiting."

She nodded. She knew Haley was right. But she wished it was as easy to do as it is to say it.

Later at night she was at her apartment, ready to go to bed when someone knocked on her door. She put on her night gown and walked to the door. When she opened it, she was surprised to see Lucas standing there.

"Hey, Luke! What's up?"

"I know it's late and I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"No, no, it's okay."

"I really needed to see you. I feel like I didn't make it clear enough that I'm not going anywhere. I will wait for you. I know your heart will make the right choice and when the time is right I will be right there, waiting for you," he said with determination and she could see that his blue eyes were full of hope. Those eyes were piercing through her soul and suddenly she felt that hope too.

"Oh, Lucas … I don't know what to say …" she was speechless. After the way she handled things, telling him that she was confused about her feelings, she would have never expected anything like that.

"You don't have to say anything. Just know that – I'm not going anywhere. After all, I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis. You'll see!" He smiled lightly, then turned around and walked away. She was stunned. It felt like something she had waited for so long had happened. She remembered that night at the beach when Lucas Scott told her that he was the guy for her. That was one moment she could never forget. She had played it over and over in her mind in past years. She had wished it was the truth and now she was thinking that maybe it was.

_You're not going to lose me_

_I'm not going anywhere_

_This is not the beginning of the end_


End file.
